


Life Goes On

by Melaho



Category: Keeper of the Lost Cities Series - Shannon Messenger
Genre: But that will end, But they will be minor background characters, Eventual Sophitz, F/M, Fitz is a good friend, Gen, It would just be unrealistic for them all to pair off, Normal people marry outside their friend group occasionally, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Some minor background Sokeefe in the beginning, There will be some OCs, You Have Been Warned, he tries, light on plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-05
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-02-10 19:58:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 41,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12919176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melaho/pseuds/Melaho
Summary: The war with the Neverseen is over. Fitz and his friends are all grown up.  After the craziness of the war (and the fact that his current job means his life is really no less crazy) Fitz really just wanted a quiet and peaceful retreat to call home.  His friends keep turning up uninvited though. And wanting advice. And who is Fitz to turn them away?Even if he really has no idea what he's talking about.





	1. How We Got Here

Fitz had been just barely eighteen when the war with the Neverseen ended. Of course, the council still had a lot of work to do and the Elvin world was changing, but Vespera had been killed in that final confrontation (and Fitz would never feel guilty about that) and they had the time to focus on fixing things properly. 

Of course, none of them had been to Foxfire in over two years and Fitz’s year was barely two weeks away from graduation. No time for him to rejoin and enter the nobility with the rest of his class. He had known that he was unlikely to graduation Foxfire when he’d chosen to enter the war efforts full time rather than enter the Silver Tower for his seventh year. The decision had been simultaneously the easiest thing, and the hardest thing, he had ever done. He’d be the first Vacker to fail to enter the nobility, and that echoed of childhood pressure he’d never fully escaped, but he would have never abandoned his friends to let them fight alone (especially over something and silly as what class he would end up in as an adult). Still the decision had hurt at the time and the realization, especially after all the joy and relief they’d all felt when the Neverseen had been taken out for good, that he was weeks away from the culmination of that decision and a life in the working class had hurt more.

They had broken more than a few laws and the council had been forced to call for a public Tribunal where they tried to figure out what to do with the gaggle of teenagers that had both just saved their world from destruction at the hands of a crazy ancient elf and sent them on a tailspin course that would require them to renegotiate every treaty they had with the other intelligent races. After all, they had proven not just that elves were not the perfect species they pretended to be, but that the other races had much to offer as well. They would all be on a much more equal footing , after some growing pains of course. And that was without getting into the idea of bringing humans back into the intelligent races as Black Swan had intended all along. Luckily even they agreed that that path would have to be treaded carefully and that Sophie needed a bit of a break.

But there had still been the issue of what to do about their education. Sophie, Dex, Biana and Marella had been relatively easy, as all four were of the age to be entering into the Silver Tower at the start of the next term; it was decided to simply let them. All of them grumbled and protested about returning to school after everything they had been through. But Fitz (mildly jealous they were getting the opportunity) had pointed out that the normalcy of school might actually be a nice break after the craziness of the last few years and they grudgingly agreed to attend.

The twins had been a bit harder. Tam and Linh were a year older and would’ve been entering the Gold Tower at the start of the next term had things been normal. There had been a lot of debate, but eventually it had been decided that they had probably learned all of the lessons in their efforts to take out the Neverseen that they would have learned in the Silver Tower anyway so they might as well just rejoin their class in the Gold Tower. The four previously placed students had all complained that they had gone through everything that the twins had so why hadn’t they been granted a free pass through the Silver Tower. After all wouldn’t they have learned the same lessons? Bronte had merely raised an eyebrow and stated that it they had already learned the lessons that they’d have a comparatively easy year, wouldn’t they? And pointed out (with a glance at Fitz that had made him nauseous) that others in the group would maybe not be given the same opportunities. That had shut them up quick.

Keefe had been discussed next. Although he was technically in the same year as Fitz, and, therefore would have been graduating if times had been normal, he had also skipped a year early on at Foxfire. He was, therefore, still eligible to attend Foxfire for his final year and the council decided he would join the twins in the Gold Tower. Keefe declared this bullshit, that he didn’t need to back to school, he was ready to graduation. He was cut off mid-rant with an elbow in the ribs courtesy of Sophie. Fitz was certain she had also transmitted something to him, as after a moment, Keefe had muttered that he’d attend with a guilty glance at Fitz.

And then it had been his turn. The councillors had debated for ages (later Dex would tell him it had been nearly two hours; it had felt longer at the time). Fitz had stood there and silently gotten more and more anxious. It wasn’t like he didn’t know the problem. Schooling ended at eighteen in their world and there had never been any exceptions. If you hadn’t earned the credit to graduate from Foxfire at that point, you simply entered the working class. Fitz had known this when he had chosen not to continue his education, and had chosen not to continue it anyway. He liked to think he had grown up a lot since those days. He knew, for instance, that not being a member of the nobility wouldn’t make him any less of a person. He knew his friends would not abandon him, that his parents would be proud of him. He knew that he could and would still be a functioning and contributing member of society. 

But the Vacker legacy had been ingrained in him since birth. He had always felt the pressure to live up to it, pressure that kept getting bigger and bigger as Fitz kept breaking records. And he was acutely aware, standing there waiting for the council’s decision, that even though he had made the right choices he was, in that moment, failing that legacy.

Eventually Emery had sighed, and rubbing his head, admitted that the council was at a bit of a loss. They acknowledged that Fitz had provided a great service to the Elven nation as a whole in the fight against the Neverseen and did not deserve to be punished because he had been unable to attend school. But laws were laws, and some laws were in place for good reasons. Letting Fitz retake a year at Foxfire, despite being too old, would leave others wondering why they could not be provided the same chances. And many would see them allowing him to attend as owing to the Vacker legacy, not anything that Fitz himself had earned. Now, more than ever, the council could not be biased. They were sorry, but there was nothing they could do.

Ignoring Sophie’s faint protest (thankfully someone, he suspected Keefe but wasn’t sure, got her quiet down. This was his fight, not hers) he had stepped forward, swallowed his pride, and in a voice that mercifully didn’t shake, informed the council that he understood. That he had known the consequences of his actions when he had chosen to not take the Elite Years at Foxfire and that he would accept them gracefully. He had known this would happen and he had no regrets (“Really” he assured Sophie telepathically).

At that point, Mr. Forkle (as Magnate Leto, of course, but Fitz had been in Sophie’s mind too much to ever think of him as anything but Mr. Forkle) had stepped forward and said he had a possible solution that would not break any laws and would still afford Fitz the chance to graduate from Foxfire.

Later, much later, he had questioned why it had taken so long for Mr. Forkle to step forward with his solution. It would have saved everyone quite a bit of time, not to mention saved Fitz from quite a bit of anxiety, if he had just proposed his solution a bit sooner. Mr. Forkle had replied that he had been hoping the council would have decided to just let Fitz enter the nobility as is. After all Foxfire was supposed to be a testing ground to ensure that only the most worthy of individuals entered the nobility. But Fitz had already more than proven his worthiness. The council had, apparently, felt differently. So Mr. Forkle had devised a last ditch solution.

“Let him take the Finals in two weeks,” he’d said, “That is, after all, not much different from the solutions afforded to the others.” The council had debated quickly and found the solution acceptable. So Fitz, in a daze, had found himself agreeing to take exams for eight classes he hadn’t even been participating in.

Luckily, he had good friends, and probably more importantly many of the mentors for those classes were thankful for his actions and willing to help him out in the two week lead up to Finals. He spent the entire time either in extensive classes with said mentors or studying with his friends. The others rallied around him, quizzing him and pushing him and doing whatever necessary to stuff his head full of all the information he needed to know. Thankfully, several classes were a given, his telepathy skills had only improved with time and the only person who could outclass him in it was Sophie. The Interspecies Relations class (meant to prepare nobility for interactions with members of the other five intelligent species) was a breeze as Fitz had worked extensively with all five species during the war efforts already. His Meta-Philosophy class (meant to prepare nobles for having to make hard decisions and not let the guilt get to them) was, frankly, a little ridiculous. He had made plenty of difficult decisions in the past few years, and he refused to let any of them break him. He had always excelled in Physical Education, and several years of field work had not dulled that in any form.

So somehow, miraculously, despite getting nearly no sleep in the weeks preceding them (sleep was for the weak, Fitz needed to pass, he had to study), he took his Finals, and passed. He celebrated surviving them by sleeping for nearly twenty hours straight. His parents had chosen (and Fitz was ever so grateful to them for it) to let him sleep rather then return to Foxfire to fret while they received his results. He had been awakened by a horde of his friends screaming and jumping on him after being informed of his results. He had been sleeping so deeply that it had taken him several minutes to understand what had all of them so excited.

He had managed to make himself presentable in time for graduation. He had not graduated top of his class as he had every previous year he had attended Foxfire, but under the circumstances Fitz had figured just passing was accomplishment enough. “Besides,” He had said privately to Biana, ‘It’s about time you took a turn destroying Alvar’s records”. 

Fitz had always been better at school than either of his siblings, although neither of them had particularly struggled. Fitz figured this was one of the things that had fueled Alvar’s resentment of him. Alvar had gone through school setting records, and Fitz had come along years later and casually destroyed them without even trying. Biana had grinned wickedly at him, “Watch me!” she’d replied. And Fitz had had no doubts she’d do it.

Alvar had never really regained any of his memories. When Sophie and Fitz had truly reached the stage where they were fully Cognates, no more training, they agreed to the councils request that Alvar’s memories be searched to see if they could dredge up anything useful. They hadn’t, despite trying for days. Fitz, specifically, had been chosen for this task because it was hoped that, being Alvar’s brother, his very presence in Alvar’s mind might trigger some memories. It has somewhat worked, but mostly all it had brought up were the memories of Alvar’s resentment of him. 

He had known his brother had made some poor choices, and he had known that Alvar had thought that Fitz, being as talented as he was, would never understand why. But he had not known quite the extent that Alvar resented him. It had been a shock to discover that for most of Fitz’s life, Alvar had loathed him.

Fitz had never considered himself to be arrogant. He had discovered that he had sometimes come across to others that way, and that many had also considered him a bit of a show off. Dex, to this day, continued to call him Wonderboy, though it was far more affectionate and teasing these days. He had never intended to show off though. It had never been about the attention. 

Fitz was a Vacker, and he had been taught from birth about the grand legacy attached to that name. He had always been eager to please growing up, so had always done his best. He had wanted to make his parents and ancestors proud. To carry forward that legacy. To be worthy of it.

Fitz had, despite appearance, worked extremely hard. And he had always felt his successes had been the reward for that hard work. Not anything he was entitled to, but something he worked for. He had been thrilled to manifest so young. His father’s beaming pride as he swept Fitz up laughing, his mother’s love as she held him at arm’s length wondering where the time had gone and Biana’s grudging awe had blinded him completely to Alvar’s rather lukewarm response. He’d heard the ‘Alden’s Golden Boy’ comments and had understood that they had mostly been meant to be snide and hurtful. He had chosen to wear them like a badge of honour instead and had continued to throw everything he had into living up to the name. He had excelled at anything he put his mind towards, and Alvar had, apparently, quietly seethed.

But Alvar’s situation had left the council in another bit of a quandary. Was it fair to punish someone for crimes they couldn’t remember committing? But Alvar had committed crimes, terrible ones, there was no doubt of that, so something would need to be done. Eventually, they gave his parents the option to take Alvar home to Everglen, to live out his life on house arrest. They had, after much consideration, accepted.

Fitz did not really blame his parents for the decision. He knew that they felt guilty about never seeing that Alvar had turned to less than savoury sorts and felt that they should have done more for their eldest. He knew every precaution was being made so that Alvar would be unable to do any more damage, ever. He would be monitored 24/7 by a device (a heavily modified registry pendant, designed by Dex) that would sound an alarm if he set so much as one foot outside Everglen’s gates. The Gnomes at Everglen had also offered to keep an eye on him and Woltzer had offered to stay on and guard him (or others from him). He would never be allowed to have any leaping crystals or an imparter. And the gnomes had updated a suite of rooms inside Everglen for him to live in at that only had one entrance. He was as secure there as almost anywhere else. And now that the Neverseen were gone, there was no one who would really be interested in breaking him out anyway.

But Fitz would never forgive his brother for the crimes he had committed. And he certainly had no intention of ever living under the same roof as Alvar ever again. Which meant that Fitz was in need of a new home. He was ready to move out on his own anyway, and it had given him something normal he could do with his parents, house hunting for somewhere to live. He had considered an apartment. All of his friends would be attending school so it would be just him living there and he didn’t really need a lot of space. But apartments were located in cities, around lots of other people. The last few years of his life had been a crazy rush, and his future honestly was not looking much quieter, Fitz had really just wanted a place far away from other people. He had wanted peace and quiet. His father had teased him endlessly about growing old before his time. Fitz had outwardly pouted, but had been internally relived that his parents weren’t upset about his insistence on moving out.

Their search for a quiet retreat eventually led them to Forestgrove. It was small and rather plain for an Elven residence. Mostly stone with large glass windows located in an old growth forest with towering trees. A small river (or large stream, depending on how you looked at it) just large enough to require a bridge wound through the back garden. It was two stories tall. The top level contained the only two bedrooms, each with their own bathroom and the main level had a large open sitting area off to the side of the kitchen, as well as a lavish study. It was perfect and Fitz had been sold on the spot.

His mother had taken a little longer. “It’s so small,” she’d complained.

“So?” he’d replied “There’s only me going to be living in it”. He had favoured her with a small smile. “I can always move to a bigger house later, should I need more space”

“I suppose,” Della had sighed, before giving her blessing. Which was unnecessary, Fitz was buying the house, whether or not she had approved. It had been welcome though. Seeking his parent’s approval was a habit Fitz had never kicked. 

Alden had laughed at her. “He’ll be fine, I think he’s proven by now he can take care of himself.” And as always, his father’s pride in him had made Fitz feel warm all over.

Which was good, because he’d nearly had an anxiety attack when, upon return to Everglen that night so they could sort out the details of purchasing the property, they had found several councillors waiting. Of course, their presence alone wasn’t enough to give him the jitters, his father was an emissary and it wasn’t completely unheard of for them to come visit. It was the fact that when Alden had assured them he’d be with them momentarily, they replied that they were actually there to speak with Fitz that had had him sweating.

Councillors Emery, Oralie, Bronte and Alina had co-opted his father’s study in order to have a private conversation with him. Fitz had tried his hardest not to look like he was frantically searching his mind for anything he could have done to require four councillors to come speak with him. He must have failed, because Oralie had smiled at him and assured him he wasn’t in trouble.

“Quite the opposite,” Emery had agreed.

“No point in beating around the bush though,” Bronte continued, “We’d like to offer you a job as an emissary for the council, if you willing.”

Fitz had sat there stunned for several moments and gaped at them. Emissary was a title many people worked for years to worthy of, they didn’t just offer it to freshly graduated eighteen-year-olds.

“You’re confused,” Oralie had said sympathetically, “I can understand why, it isn’t something we would normally consider –“

“And some of us aren’t sure we really should be considering it at all,” Alina had cut in, scowling. “He’s too young! And we wouldn’t even be in this situation if he and that girl hadn’t –“

“Yes, Alina,” Bronte had said over her protests, “We are well aware of your feelings on the matter. But, frankly we have little choice at his point in time. Our world is changing, and we need to keep up.” Alina had scowled harder at him, but Emery cut in before she could.

“Don’t mistake us, you specifically, out of all of your friends, are being offered this because you deserve it. Even if normally we would be waiting several years before even putting you up for consideration. Your talents are notable Fitz, always have been. And we would be grateful for your assistance moving forward.”

“Our hand is being forced a bit though,” Bronte had continued, “We have to reopen dialogue with the other races, with everything that has happened recently, it is imperative that they remain our allies.”

Fitz had agreed. The elves didn’t need enemies. “I’m sorry,” He’d said, “I’m honoured, really, but what does any of this have to do with me?”

Oralie had smiled. “You, and Sophie and the others, have been working with members of all the other species for years now. You have shown then that you respect them, and their beliefs and culture. We can’t just call a Peace Summit and rewrite the treaties. The other races don’t trust us like they used to. The NeverSeen was an Elven problem.”

Bronte had shifted, gaze going far away, as he had picked up the explanation. “The world will better place if we can truly unite all the intelligent races.” He had grimaced, then. “We have not always done what was best to achieve that vision. Too often we our arrogance get in the way. Believing and acting as though we were superior to them. We forgot that our role in the world was to be peacemakers and shepherds, not overlords.”

“So now, we must approach the other races with humility and a willingness to learn from them and grow, all of us together, to a brighter future. We have spoken with the rulers of the other intelligent species and they are all open to this.” Emery had continued, before turning the full force of his gaze on Fitz. “Provided, of course, that the emissary we chose to represent the Elves was someone who had proven that they could respect their way of life already. Of all the choices we put forth, the only one that everyone was unanimously in favour of was you.”

Fitz had swallowed, glancing at Alina, very much in doubt she had been in favour of this. But the leaders of the other races he could kind of see being in favour. At least over other choice they might have been presented with. Still… “Me, specifically?” He had asked, “Or anyone from my group of friends?”

“While I think several of the other races would have been happy with anyone from your group. We,” Oralie had gestured to the other councillors then, “want you specifically.”

“Out of all of you, Fitz, you are by far the best suited for this job,” Bronte added, “Your father has been an emissary all your life. You understand the importance of the position. The level of trust we will be giving you. You come from an old family, with an old legacy and you have always shown respect and dedication to living up to that. You’re an exceedingly talented young man and being a Telepath is a huge bonus for this kind of work. You’ve proven to be mature and capable of keeping things meant to be confidential quiet, even as a child.”

And the ancient councillor had actually smiled at him before continuing, “There aren’t many boys who could travel periodically to the Forbidden Cities on secret missions and not bragged about it occasionally. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders. You’ve learned the value of patience, hard work, planning and research. And you’re smart enough to wing it, if need be. You have good leadership skills. And have proven that you can respect and accept the other races differences.”

Emery had nodded. “We need young blood for this project. Someone, who doesn’t have centuries of prejudice to overcome, until the rest of us catch up. The eight of you have made great strides forward towards true equality between the races, and now we ask you to continue helping us forward. Do you accept?”

Fitz’s face had felt warm from all the praise, but he had nodded, and forced his voice to work. “I do, and I’ll work hard to ensure you don’t regret this.”

Alina’s face had said that she already did, but the next few minutes were a whirlwind of activity anyway. Before he had known it, everything was done and he was suddenly a fully-fledged emissary. The councillors had packed up, nodded cordially at him, and headed out after telling him he was expected at Bronte’s office bright and early the next day to go over the final details of his first assignment.

Fitz had been left to wander, dazedly, back to his parents, only to find his friends had all arrived back from Atlantis (where they had been doing some last minute shopping for supplies for Foxfire) and were dying to know what the councillors had wanted. Sophie later admitted that she had barely restrained herself from slipping into his thoughts and listening in. He would have been offended, but truth be told, he probably could have used her opinion, and it wasn’t like he was going to hide anything that had happened in there from her anyway.

There had been much screaming and shouting when he explained the reason for the councillor’s visit. His parent’s had looked just about ready to burst with pride and he was buried for several minutes under hugs and back slaps until he had had no idea exactly who was hugging him and they were all just a tangle of limbs and laughter. His mother had declared that they needed to have a celebration and the resulting impromptu party had lasted well into the night (and several more people had been spontaneously invited over to join in).

Later, when the party was winding down, Sophie had wandered over, and tucking herself up beside him, took his hand and opened her mind. _“You’ll do great,”_ she’d said, _“It’s the perfect job for you.”_

 _“I don’t know,”_ he’d replied, _“I kind of think you’d be better suited for it. But, maybe, they didn’t want to wait a couple years for you to graduate.”_

 _“No way,”_ she’d countered, _“This has you written all over it. Why would you think I’d be better for it? I’d be terrible at it.”_

He had looked at her thoughtfully, _“Because none of this would have happened if it weren’t for you. You opened my eyes to the prejudices within the Elves.”_

 _“But I’m no diplomat,”_ she had shaken her head at him, smiling slightly. _“Whenever we needed somebody to talk us out of a situation, I always turned to you.”_

He had laughed quietly, _“I thought that was Keefe’s job. Bullshit us out of any situation.”_

She had laughed too. _“He’s better at making stuff up,”_ she’d agreed, _“But that’s not what is needed here. In fact, I think you’re the only one in our group that is really suited to the diplomatic stuff.”_

He had raised an eyebrow at her. _“Oh?”_

 _“Well,”_ she’d said, _“Think about it. I grew up outside elven culture, and even though I’ve picked up a lot there’s so much about the other races I still don’t know. Missing several years at FoxFire hasn’t helped that problem either. Look at how many times I screwed up the first time we came in contact with someone from another of the races. I think King Dimitar still hasn’t forgiven me for searching his mind. Twice.”_

 _“I helped the second time,”_ He had pointed out, _“So really that’s a point against me too.”_

She had rolled her eyes at him. _“I’m sure he’s much more focused on me and Keefe, I doubt he remembers you. Speaking of Keefe, he’d be terrible for this job. He’d make too many jokes and eventually one would be bound to end up falling flat, or be really extra offensive.”_

 _“He’d probably come across at not taking the job seriously, even if he was.”_ Fitz had agreed.

 _“Exactly.”_ Sophie had nodded firmly. _“Biana might have been ok, she has the same advantage you do with your background. But I still think you’re better suited. Biana’s more of an action kind of person, you’re more of a thinker.”_

He had been mildly offended by that. _“I can do action.”_

Her expression had been amused. _“Sure, but you’re more of the look before you leap type. You’ve always been good at think through the consequences of your actions. Biana’s more the leap and figure the rest out later type. And this kind of thing calls more for the former than the latter.”_

_“Dex has always been more of a behind the scenes person. He’s great backup but I’m not sure negotiation is really his strong suite.” She’d shifted, looking thoughtful, “Tam would lose patience with the entire thing very quickly. Can you image him sitting through hours long negotiations?”_

_“Not really,”_ he’d admitted, _“Linh would be an ok choice though”_

 _“She wouldn’t offend anybody,”_ Sophie had agreed, _“But she’d probably try to help everyone so much she’d forget that the Elves are supposed to get something out of the deals too.”_

Then she had smiled sadly, _“And everyone would probably still be terrified of Marella.”_ Fitz had smiled sadly too, that was another thing they were trying to work on with the general public. Marella hadn’t done anything wrong, had, in fact, helped them immensely in bringing the Neverseen down. But there was still much prejudice against Pyromancers. 

_“Not to mention, she always come across as above it all. I know it’s defence mechanism to stop people from looking too closely at her mother, but it’s pretty ingrained in her now. The other races would probably end up feeling like she was treating them the way Elves used to. Like they were below us. That would not help them regain trust in us. And despite being from a really old family, you’ve never come across that way. I’ve never felt like you looked down on others for not being like you.”_

The she had grinned at him, _“Sorry, but you’re kind of stuck with the job. The rest of us would be terrible at it.”_

 _“You do realize,”_ He’s said, grinning back, _“That as my Cognate, even if you aren’t offered a position as an emissary, you’ll still probably end up helping, right?”_

She’d made a face at him and he had laughed. Then Keefe had called them back over, grumbling about Telepaths and secret conversations. 

So Fitz had gone to work and the others had returned to school. Forestgrove became their official hang out on weekends when the others were out of classes and that continued into the second year, despite Keefe, Tam and Linh also graduating and getting their own places. Keefe’s father had insisted on the best for his son, Keefe had rolled his eyes and made snarky comments but had ended up with a spacious apartment in the richest district in Atlantis. It was bigger than Forestgrove (Which Fitz had pointed out multiple times when his place started getting a little crowded with multiple people visiting at once. He had been ignored.) The twins had also gotten an apartment (much smaller than Keefe’s), though theirs was in Mysterium. Tam had taken special delight in how upset his parents were that their noble children were willingly living in a ‘working class city’.

Then another year passed, and the rest of their friends also graduated. And life had moved on. And Fitz’s nice quiet and peaceful home continued to be a magnet for his friends. And for whatever reason, they always insisted on asking him for advice.


	2. Fitz is a Good Big Brother

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Biana needs help with her love life. Fitz is not prepared.

Fitz’s morning started off really nice. He had just wrapped up an assignment from the council the day before and had rewarded himself by sleeping in a little. Eventually, he’d grown tired of being lazy and had wandered down to his kitchen to see about breakfast. One of the gnomes that he shared Forestgrove with had left some fresh fruit on the counter and Fitz got to work cutting it. Once done, he had poured himself a glass of Lushberry juice and tucked in.

It was wonderfully, blissfully quiet.

And then his front door had burst open and Biana had strode in.

This wasn’t unusual. Fitz had, after three years of calling Forestgrove home, gotten rather used to his friends bursting in his door at any hour of the day with little to no notice. What was unusual was the rather frazzled state Biana was in. 

His sister never left her bedroom in the mornings without making sure every hair on her head was perfectly placed and was expert at making it look effortless. Right now, however, her hair was falling out of its intricate braid in several spots, her face was slightly flushed and her clothes actually looked as though she had slept in them.

Fitz watched her with some bemusement as she barrelled towards him, before realizing, to his amazement, that his normally dressed-to-the-nines, perfectionist of a sister was actually not wearing any makeup.

He was mildly intrigued, but not overly concerned. Yet.

She came to a screeching halt about a foot away from him and dramatically wailed, “It wasn’t supposed to be like this!”

Before Fitz could ask what wasn’t supposed to be like this, whatever this was, she launched into an epic rant.

“I had it all planned out. It was supposed to be perfect. It was going to be perfect. Because I planned it. And I knew it would take some time and that it wouldn’t happen right away, but I was prepared. I was ready to work for it. But everything is just wrong and I’m so bored with it. But I shouldn’t be because I have wanted this forever. How can this be happening? I don’t know what to do! I don’t know what to say! This isn’t what I wanted at all. It’s all wrong. And I don’t know how to fix it. And –“

And on it went. 

Fitz watched her in confusion, nothing she was saying was making any particular sense and he had yet to figure out exactly what it was that had her so worked up. He was about to interrupt her and get her to go back to the beginning and actually start making sense, when he heard her mention the words “Winnowing Gala” and felt the first real trickle of unease in his gut.

Biana had not, as she had originally planned, gotten her first matchmakers scroll at as soon as she was old enough too. There had been the war with the Neverseen to worry about, and then, when that was over, there had been the fallout and school to worry about. 

But Biana had graduated from the Elite Levels at Foxfire last year (with top honours of course) and had immediately upon graduation gone to get her first scroll. She had then spent months with their mother planning the perfect Winnowing Gala. That had been three months ago.

Fitz had been invited, all of their circle of friends had, to ‘help her narrow down the choices’. He really hadn’t done much, other than intimidate a few of the really easily frightened ones. He honestly hadn’t been trying to intimidate anyone. He figured Biana was intimidating enough all on her own; anyone who could stand up to her was hardly going to flinch when facing Fitz. He really wasn’t the intimidating sort.

Biana had come out the Gala with a shortlist of guys she had hit it off with. She had, to Fitz’s knowledge, spent the last three months spending time with all of them and getting to know them better in an attempt to decide if she wanted to pursue a relationship with one of them. He really had not been paying attention to any of the details beyond that, including whether or not Biana actually was interested in pursuing a relationship with any of them. His sister’s love life was not a topic Fitz was exactly eager to discuss. He figured that if Biana did decide to start dating someone she would introduce them and Fitz would start paying attention then.

But none of that was why Fitz was currently feeling uneasy. You see, Fitz loved his sister, very much. And if she had a problem Fitz was prepared to do whatever he could to help her out. There clearly was a problem; it took quite a lot to bring Biana to the ranting stage. And if she was talking about her Winnowing Gala then more than likely whatever problem she had had something to do with relationships or romance.

And that was the kicker. You see, Fitz would really be the first to admit he knew next to nothing about relationships or romance. The only time he had gotten anywhere close to being in a romantic relationship had been with Sophie, and that had never really reached the stage where it could have ever been described as an actual romantic relationship.

The entire situation had been complicated. He had liked her of course. And despite popular opinion, he hadn’t been so oblivious that he had never noticed that she had liked him back. But she had very nearly panicked every time he had tried to bring the subject up. He hadn’t wanted to push her and there had been a lot of other stuff going on at the time.

And then things had gotten even more complicated when he had realized that Keefe, his best friend, also liked her. And then even more complicated when he realized that Sophie liked Keefe too. This had upset him at first. It had often felt that Keefe was interrupting any time he had alone with Sophie on purpose. Suddenly everything had felt like a competition between him and Keefe, even when Fitz hadn’t intended it to.

Fitz had slowly come to realize several things. Firstly, he didn’t want to fight over a girl with his best friend. He didn’t want to lose Keefe and he definitely didn’t want to lose Sophie. And that however irritating he found it when Keefe interrupted any time he had alone with Sophie, or invited himself along to any activity Fitz was doing with Sophie, or modified a plan that made sure he spent lots of time with Sophie and Fitz didn’t, Sophie apparently didn’t mind these things.

She had proven that she wasn’t afraid to call Keefe out when he irritated or upset her. That she could, and would, tell him to get lost when she didn’t want him around. So when she didn’t tell Keefe to stop or to get lost Fitz could only assume that she didn’t want to. That she approved to Keefe’s actions, even if they bothered Fitz.

He had also come to realize that Sophie was decidedly less than comfortable around him, despite everything. Every time he tried to bring up her ‘secret’, she would freeze and start sending up signals galore that she wanted him to drop it. So drop it did. He didn’t want to be the kind of person who could not respect other people’s boundaries. And Sophie had made it abundantly clear that she was not willing to cross that boundary.

Fitz did not know, and didn’t want to know, the details of how Sophie and Keefe had gotten together. He didn’t know who had said they liked the other first or who had asked who out. He had not been surprised when they admitted that they were dating. And he had not put up any sort of a fight about it.

It had, admittedly, hurt knowing that Sophie had chosen Keefe over him. After all, she had liked him too. He had gone to bed that night wondering if there had been anything he could have done differently that might have changed that decision. The answer was, of course, that yes there were things he could have done. But Fitz had also realized that those were things that he was not willing to do.

He was not willing to force himself in between Sophie and Keefe, interrupt private conversations and their private time together. He was not willing to constantly attempt to one up Keefe, the way it had often felt like Keefe was one upping him. He was not willing to force Sophie to talk about things she didn’t want to. To force her out of her comfort zone. Make her tell him things she didn’t want to.

He was willing to do exactly what he had been doing. Bring her little gifts to make her smile and cheer her up. Remind her that he was there, and always would be, if she needed him. Help her out to the best of his abilities, even when things were dangerous or scary. Believe in her with everything he had. Put everything he had into their Cognate training, open himself up to her, let her see all of him and to see all of her in return and to never judge or turn away.

He respected Sophie. She was her own person and could decide for herself what she wanted, or more specifically in this case, who she wanted. And the answer was not him. So he had forced himself to let it go, to accept her decision and to love her anyway.

And he did love her, and knew that she loved him, just not romantically. They were Cognates, partners, an unbeatable team. She was one of his best friends, only ever a thought away and Fitz could live with that.

When he allowed himself to think about it he did find it ironic that the one thing Sophie had never told him in Cognate training was that she had had a crush on him and the one thing he had never told her was that he had liked her back.

Other than that he had been invited to a couple Winnowing Gala’s over the last few years but had never really hit it off with any of the hosts. The first had gushed so much about how she couldn’t believe that she had been matched with a Vacker that Fitz had started to feel like she would never be interested in him, only his last name. The other had made several comments about how she didn’t like the direction the council was going in with giving the other five intelligent races more freedoms, unbanning Pyromancers, and attempting to end some of the prejudice of the nobility towards the working class. As these were all things that Fitz was actually quite passionate about and several of those issues directly impacted several of his friends, and the first was actually something he was making a career out of, it was abundantly obvious that they were very much incompatible.

So really, Fitz was not an expert when it came to relationships. And he knew it.

But this was his sister, and Fitz would do anything for his sister. So he would do his best. But first he needed to get her to shut up long enough for him to get a word in edgewise, and figure out exactly what the problem was.

Luckily, Fitz was her brother and as her brother he was an expert at getting Biana to shut up. And the easiest way to do that was to distract her from her train of thought. And the easiest way to do that was to annoy the hell out of her. Fitz had years of practice annoying Biana.

After a moment of deliberation, he decided to go with simple and sweet. Annoying childhood nickname that Biana hated ought to do the trick.

You see, after his parents had had Alvar and he had grown a bit and they had felt that they had this parenting thing under control his mother had declared to his father that she wanted a daughter too. So they had gotten pregnant again, and then they had had Fitz. Not exactly the baby girl they had been hoping for. So of course they had tried again relatively shortly after his birth and had struck gold with Biana. This was why there was such a large age gap between him and Alvar and a rather small one between him and Biana.

Fitz had been too young to really remember much about his mother’s third pregnancy, but Della had loved telling stories about it. Alvar had just started at Foxfire and had considered himself too old to spend much time playing with his younger brother, so Fitz had been rather desperate for a playmate. Therefore, he had been thrilled to death with the idea of a younger sibling.

His mother had told him how he had spent his days telling his sibling-to-be all sorts of stories and plans for all the things the two of them would be doing together. As they had not yet known the gender of the third Vacker sibling, and therefore had no name for the baby-to-be, Fitz had simply referred to Biana the entire time she had been in their mother’s womb as ‘Baby’.

When Biana had been born, and named, Fitz had started calling her ‘Baby Biana’. This was, however, rather a bit of a mouthful for an overly excited almost three year old and it had quickly been shortened to –

“Baby Bi?” 

His sister froze. She had loathed the nickname ever since Fitz had first gone to Foxfire and come home with a handsome new best friend and Biana hadn’t wanted to be considered a baby anything. She had warned him to never call her that again. Fitz was a good big brother, so he had promptly dropped the nickname. Except when he wanted to annoy her.

“Don’t call me that!” Biana snarled in reply.

Fitz had finished his breakfast as Biana had been ranting and stood up to put his plate in the sink to be washed, innocently replying , “Call you what?”

“You know what!”

Fitz fought to keep a grin of his face and out of his voice. “I’m afraid I don’t. Anyway, Baby Bi I’m –“

“Fitz!”

He lost his battle with the grin and snickered, “Yes?”

Biana sighed dramatically, “I hate you so much right now”

“Love you too, Baby Bi!”

She let out a wordless growl before spinning and pacing several feet back towards the large sitting area. When she had taken several strides, and Fitz hadn’t followed, she spun back towards him. 

“Well?” She demanded, “Aren’t you going to help me?”

“I would,” he replied, “But I haven’t actually managed to figure out what the problem is yet.”

She groaned and flopped onto his couch. “Everything is just so wrong!”

“Well,” He said, wandering over to join her on the couch, “Why don’t we start with what ‘everything’ is and go from there?”

She sighed in reply, staring hard out one of his front windows and then was silent for several minutes. Fitz waited, knowing it was best to not rush her, shifting slightly on the couch putting his back against the arm rest so he was mostly facing his sister.

Finally, in a quiet voice, she said “I really wanted things to be different.”

Fitz forced back the immediate reply that this statement was no clearer than any of her previous ones and decided to try prompting her instead. “With your matches?”

Biana nodded, “There are one hundred names on that list. I thought for sure I would hit it off with at least one of them.”

“Sometimes these things take time,” He reminded her, “Love at first sight is a myth.”

“I know!” She replied forcefully, with a bit of a snarl, “But I’ve been taking my time, meeting up, chatting on my imparter, getting to know people and nothing is clicking. I can’t make myself care about any of them or their lives.”

“Maybe the right person isn’t one your list yet,” Fitz suggested gently, “After all it took Dad three tries to get Mom and they’re great for each other. There’s no shame it taking a while to find a match.”

Biana sighed again. “I’m not necessarily looking to marry someone right now, but I thought it would be nice to date someone. To be with someone.”

He frowned at her slightly. “Maybe that’s an indication that you really don’t want a relationship right now nearly as much as you think you do. Why date someone if you aren’t trying to see if they are a compatible life partner? That’s kind of the whole point of dating.”

She favoured him with a mildly withering glare. “Because it’s fun to date and it’s nice to have a companion. No one likes to be alone.”

Fitz snorted, “You’re not alone Biana. You have a rather large group of friends who would do anything for you.”

“It’s not the same and you know it.”

Fitz was not sure he did. He was in no rush to find a life partner and had found no end to the companionship offered by the friends he had surrounded himself with. He was currently of the opinion he didn’t really need a girlfriend, which was why he hadn’t gone to get his first match list yet. If he happened to meet someone he hit it off with then he wasn’t against the idea of dating. He just wasn’t currently looking for it. And he certainly wasn’t lonely or feeling like he was missing out.

“If you’re that desperate to find somebody –“

“I’m not desperate,” she cut in, glaring at him, “I’m just ready to have someone special in my life!”

“Right,” He said, rolling his eyes, “But you’ve only been chatting with, what? Five people max? As you said there are one hundred people on that list, why not contact a few of the others and see if there was anything you missed when you met them at your Gala? After all, it can be hard to get a real sense of a person in the limited time the Gala really affords you. It’s hard to meet one hundred people in the space of a few hours.”

Biana clenched her hands in her lap, staring down at them before quietly admitting “It’s not just that though.”

Fitz waited for her to elaborate, when she didn’t he gently prompted her. “So what else is it?”

She sighed again, “You remember back when you were filling out your matchmaking packet? And you said it hadn’t been hard, cause you knew what you wanted?”

Fitz made an affirmative noise in the back of his throat.

“Well, I thought I did too. And, honestly, I got what I thought I wanted. Bannock, you remember him?”

Fitz did, sort of anyway. He vaguely recalled meeting the guy at Biana’s Gala. A tanned skinned, tall man with a lean build and eyes so dark a blue they were almost navy. The thing Fitz remembered most about him was that he had spent much of the night ensuring Biana always had something to eat or drink, cheerfully fetching her anything she had asked for. So he nodded.

Biana nodded too, “So, I’ve been spending most of my time with him because when I was younger and imagining what my future husband would be like I would image exactly what Bannock was. Kind and helpful, and really respectful too! And always buying me nice things and giving me complements, taking me places and always wanting to spend time with me. Super interested in everything I do and a great listener.”

Biana was saying lots of nice things about Bannock, but was, oddly enough, getting more agitated the more she talked about him. She sat up, starting to wave her arms as she continued.

“He’s been great. Exactly what I wanted. Always making sure that everything was perfect for me and that I was happy. Not that it was all about me of course!” She shot Fitz a look, before hurrying on, “It was just really nice to be pampered for once, you know?”

Fitz laughed, cutting into her speech, “Biana, I’ve lived with you most of my life. I’m well aware of your desire to be treated like a princess.”

She half-heartedly glared at him, but Fitz continued before she could.

“So, he sounds like a really great guy. What’s the problem?”

She frowned, “He’s just so…” she waved her arms uselessly in the air before shrugging slightly.

“So?” Fitz prompted, having no idea what she was getting at.

“So… nice.” She finished lamely.

Fitz chuckled again. “I wasn’t aware that was a bad thing.”

“It isn’t!” Biana protested, “It’s just…”

She scowled, searching her mind to try and make her point. “Ok,so get this. I spent the night at his place last night and the entire time he was just too nice about it. Like it was all ‘Are you ok? ’and ‘I’m not hurting you right?’. It’s one thing to get consent but it’s entire another to treat me like I’m made of glass. Like I just wanted him to do something for himself too! Take charge! I’m not that breakable! –“

That explained her state of dress, but they were fast heading into to territory that Fitz really wanted no part in, so he hurriedly cut her off.

“Ok! Ok, I get the point! No need to go into the details!”

She laughed at him, “Way to be a prude Fitz!”

“There are several things in life I don’t need to hear about, my sister’s sex life is definitely one of them. In fact,” he shuddered dramatically, “As far as I’m concerned you don’t have a sex life, and never will. You will remain pure and untouched until the day you die. And if you don’t, well, don’t tell me. Leave me to my illusions.”

Biana snorted, “How are you going to explain me having kids?”

“The same way I explain our existence to myself,” he replied with a grin, “Magic. No sex involved in magic.”

She laughed at him and Fitz grinned, pleased with himself. He preferred Biana laughing and teasing to the quiet frustration she had been exhibiting moments before. He might not have solutions to her problems but he could still cheer her up, and Fitz could count that as a win.

Still, as her elder brother, he couldn’t resist another dig at her, now that she was feeling better.

“Anyway, Baby Bi I’m not entirely sure–“

He was cut off as his sister, with a glare that ought to have been considered a deadly weapon, grabbed the pillow she was leaning against and promptly whacked him several times in the face with it. Fitz laughed, holding up his arms to deflect the strikes, before rolling off the couch and dodging out of range. Biana followed of course, hitting him with her fluffy weapon every time she managed to get close enough.

She chased him around the main floor of Forestgrove for a while, Fitz teasing and taunting her the entire time, until they were both breathless with laughter. Fitz collapsed back into his position on the couch and called, grinning, for a truce. Biana flopped back down next to him and they sat silent, getting their breath back, for several minutes.

Finally, Fitz sat up. “I’m not surprised you’re bored with being coddled and pampered. I mean your first ever crush was on Keefe.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “So?”

Fitz grinned a little, he was genuinely fond of his best friend, but had absolutely no illusions about him. “His idea of ‘pampering’ a girl is to probably stick a Gulon in her shower.”

Biana gave him a strange look, “I won’t dispute the point, but again, so?”

“My main point is you’ve always liked a challenge. Bannock does not sound like he’s particularly challenging.”

She sighed, “He’s definitely not. But I’ve outgrown my crush on Keefe and even I can admit he’s more of a challenge than I want.”

Fitz gave her an exasperated look, “And it hasn’t occurred to you that there might be a happy medium between so-challenging-he’s-annoying Keefe and so-placid-he’s-a-doormat Bannock?”

“I never said Bannock was a doormat.”

Fitz merely raised an eyebrow in reply.

She sighed again, but this time it was more amused than anything. “Alright, so he is a bit of one, but that’s not necessarily a bad quality –“

“Just not a quality that’s right for you,” Fitz cut it.

“Alright, I take the point.” She smiled at him slightly. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.”

Biana favoured him with a superior look, tossing her hair off of her face, “It had to happen eventually.”

Fitz rolled his eyes, “You good?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “Maybe I will go back over my list, see what I come up with.” 

He nodded, and then flailed slightly as his sister suddenly threw her arms around him in a spontaneous hug. He squirmed before managing to get an arm loose to hug her back.

“Thanks Fitz.”

He snickered, “Anytime Baby Bi”

She whacked him with the pillow again on her way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unbeta'd.
> 
> So that's the first actual chapter. I'm rather fascinated by Fitz character, he's my favourite, and enjoy trying to fill in the gaps of what Sophie knows.
> 
> I don't think there is a canon answer to the age gap between Fitz and Alvar, I've head-cannoned it as about 10 years. Let me know if I'm wrong and we do have an official answer though.
> 
> Next Chapter: Tam is trying to decide whether or not he's ready to start dating. Fitz has a headache, but tries anyway.


	3. Fitz is Tired, but He Tries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tam has some questions. Fitz has a headache, but ties his best to be helpful anyway.

Fitz was having a really bad day. Or he’d had one anyway. It was thankfully over. But after spending all day attempting to mediate a discussion between the Goblins and the Ogres, in which neither species was feeling any particular need to be diplomatic, he had one massive headache.

He was really, really looking forward to a quiet night all by himself. Dinner (he had not eaten all day, and was starving), maybe a book, or a nice, relaxing bath. Something which would not require him to think, at all. He was all out of thinking.

So he was not very happy to open up his front door and find Tam sitting at his breakfast bar, idly flipping through a book. He loved his friends. He appreciated his friends. He liked his friends. He just didn’t particularly want to see his friends right now. Fitz was tired and was not up for social niceties.

Tam glanced up as he came through the door, “Hey, you’re home late. I made dinner. Help yourself.” He nodded towards a covered plate of food, before turning back to the book.

Fitz immediately revised his earlier opinion. Tam was nice. Tam was wonderful. Tam was his favourite. Tam could stay.

He headed over to join Tam and sank onto the empty chair with a groan of appreciation one can only make after spending eight hours on their feet trying to make two very different species make nice. And mostly failing. He yanked the plate over to himself, uncovered it and dug in. Manners be damned, Fitz was hungry.

Tam raised an eyebrow at him, looking faintly amused, “Rough day?”

Fitz swallowed his current bite, already about a quarter of the way through the plate, “You have no idea.” 

Tam hummed in reply, still flipping through the book. Fitz slowed down in his ingestion of the glorious food and peered at it. He raised his own eyebrow when he saw which one it was, a particularly dry and ramblely tome on the Elven view on the other intelligent species. It had been written long before Fitz had been born, when the Humans were still part of the intelligent species (though that section did contain a note about how they were not anymore.) It had been researched and written by one elf and it showed. Because it was hilariously wrong. About almost everything.

It had been recommended to him by a mentor at FoxFire shortly after he had taken on the role of emissary with a focus on rebuilding the Elven relationship with the other intelligent species. He had been feeling very overwhelmed by everything at the time and so had bought just about every book anyone even happened to mention might be of some use. He’d gotten about two chapters into the section on Gnomes before putting it back down due to how mind-numbingly boring it had been. Fitz, unlike a certain best friend of his, actually generally enjoyed reading and research, but even he had his limits.

He had spent quite a bit of his time in the first few years of being an emissary doing little more than spend time with people of the other races. Learning about their culture, their values, their history and their traditions. He had learned some of that already while at FoxFire, the difference being that this time he was learning it from members of the species in question and not from another Elf. He quickly learned that Elves had a rather distorted view of pretty much all of the other species. They weren’t completely wrong of course, but they were rather shallow.

Fitz had dived deeper, seeking true understanding, and while he would not consider himself an expert by any means, he certainly had a much better understanding than most of his species. So when he had picked the book back up a few weeks ago it had not taken him long to discover the myriad of inaccuracies it contained. Since it had been recommended to him by a mentor that actual taught this stuff at Foxfire, Fitz had decided to annotate his version and send it back to said mentor. In an effort to further their understanding of the subject, of course.

He had finished annotating the sections on Gnomes (It had been especially shameful how wrong much of that section was. You’d think the Elves would have a fairly decent grasp on Gnomish culture, considering that they lived with them.), Goblins, Dwarves and was about midway through the section on Ogres. The result was that a large portion of the book was filled with notes in the margins, had sections crossed out and new information scribbled anywhere Fitz had been able to find space.

It was still a rather dry read though and Fitz couldn’t fathom why Tam was so interested in it. Unless, he wasn’t interested. Which meant he was using the book to avoid talking about something. Which meant Fitz was going to have to ask him what was wrong. And listen to the answer. And try to help.

He rubbed his head wearily and briefly wondered if Tam would be willing to take a rain check until Fitz had gotten some sleep. He grimaced to himself. Probably not, as otherwise Tam wouldn’t have made him dinner and then waited around for him to get home. Still Tam had made him dinner, and that had gone a long way to improving his mood. So he took a deep breath to ask what was up, when Tam cut in before he could say anything.

“So why are you so late anyway?”

Fitz sighed, but it was a valid question. So he launched into an explanation of the day’s events, which in theory had been about helping the Goblins and the Ogres get over their mutual dislike and mistrust of each other with the goal of creating peace and harmony between the two species. In practice it had pretty much been a tense conversation that went around and around in circles. Somebody would say something the other side thought was offensive and weapons would come out and war would be threatened and Fitz would have to very calmly remind them that this was a peaceful discussion and that he was sure that they could work this out if they put the weapons away and sat back down like the adults they claimed to be. 

In eight hours they had gotten absolutely nowhere. Both sides had not really been listening to the other and had been all too eager to take offense to every little thing they could. Fitz had very quickly begun to feel like an overworked parent trying to get two very angry toddlers to make nice (except that each toddler also had an army of other angry toddlers beside them all too willing to join the fray). Eventually he had decided that they were going to have to call it a day and had left them with several very pointed (and probably not very diplomatic, but he had been too tired and frustrated at that point in time to care) comments about how diplomacy and compromise were supposed to work. And had grumbled some more choice words about the collective maturity level of the lot of them on the way out that he wasn’t 100% certain no one else had heard.

Still as long and frustrating as it had been, there were only so many ways Fitz could say ‘And then they were idiots again and I had to tell them to behave themselves’ before he was sure Tam had gotten the point. So eventually he fell silent waiting for Tam to either ask another question to keep the conversation going or tell Fitz what he had come over for. Tam did neither.

The silence stretched. Fitz waited for Tam to give him some kind of cue. Tam didn’t. So Fitz sighed, and decided to take the plunge.

“Tam?”

Tam grunted in reply, but didn’t otherwise answer or even look at him. Fitz rubbed his aching head, he was really too tired to be dealing with this.

“Is everything ok?” he asked.

Tam sighed, “Yeah.”

Fitz blinked. And then wondered if that meant he could go to bed. And then felt like a terrible friend. Because clearly Tam wanted to talk about something, even if nothing was wrong.

“Ok then. Well –“

Tam cut him off, “You ever think about getting your match list?”

Fitz blinked again, baffled. He wasn’t sure where he had expected this conversation to go, but that definitely wasn’t it. 

“Uh,” he stammered, “Not really, no.”

“How come?” Tam asked.

“Uh…” Fitz replied, intelligently. Because the answer to that was complicated. Really complicated. And Fitz wasn’t sure he wanted to delve too deeply into that subject, even to himself. Some stones were better left unturned. But Tam was watching him, expecting an answer.

His brain finally decided to kick in and he stumbled on a way of dodging the question, “Why do you want to know?”

“I’m trying to decide whether or not I should go and get mine.”

Fitz paused again. While he certainly didn’t view that decision flippantly, he wasn’t sure what about it was so distressing to Tam he would feel the need to wait around in Fitz’s kitchen for a few hours to ask him his opinion.

“If you’re thinking you’re ready to be in a relationship than why wouldn’t you?” He queried, still confused.

“What if I’m not ready to be in a relationship?” Tam countered.

“Aren’t you?” Fitz replied, feeling like he must have missed some part of this conversation. He really was too tired for this.

“I don’t know,” Tam sighed in frustration, “That’s the whole point isn’t it?”

“Is it?” Fitz rubbed his head again, certain now that Tam and him were somehow having two very different conversations.

Tam gave him a strange look. Fitz couldn’t blame him; he too thought that he’d missed something crucial. He considered asking if they could start back over at the beginning, but Tam did it for him before he could.

“You really haven’t considered getting your list?”

Fitz shook his head, “Not really. I mean I just don’t feel like a relationship would do anything for me at this point in my life. So why bother, right?

Tam looked thoughtful for a moment, “You don’t think being in a relationship would make you happy?”

Fitz paused, considering the question, before shaking his head again. “Nah. Or at least not any happier than I am being single right now. If the right person happened to walk through my door and offered then I’d probably make an effort, but I see no need to go and search for said person.”

Tam stared at him for so long Fitz started to fidget, wondering if he had somehow erred. “What makes you think being in a relationship right now would be a bad thing?”

“Not a bad thing!” He hurriedly corrected, “Just kind of unnecessary right now. I mean I’m super busy. There’s work, which I love really, but days like today aren’t as rare as I might like. And I have to do a lot of research to stay on top of everything, which I technically do in my down time.”

He gestured to the book Tam was still holding. “And then there’s all the time I spend with all my non-romantic relationships. You, Linh, Dex, and Marella. Keeping Keefe out of trouble is practically a full time job all on its own. Sophie might as well be a category all on her own, what with all the work we have to do to keep up as Cognates, plus all the extra work we get called to do because as Cognates we’re so powerful.”

“And then there’s my family. Making sure Biana is ok. Making sure my parents are hanging in there.” He grimaced, “Especially with Alvar back to living with them. I wish I’d put my foot down and demanded they do something else with the bastard. That’s turning into far more trouble than it’s worth.”

Alvar was a headache that Fitz really didn’t want to get into right now. While his parent’s decision to take Alvar home had seemed ok at the time, these days Fitz often wished he’d made them figure something else out. He didn’t what else, or how he might have achieved convincing them. But he wished he’s tried. Bring the subject up now was like stepping into a mine field. Unfortunately, Fitz was pretty sure he would be forced to step into said mine field sooner rather than later. But that was not a subject that really had any bearing on this current conversation so he hurried to continue before Tam could ask for details.

“My point is that I just don’t know where I’d find the time to pursue a relationship right now. Something else would have to give, and I’m not willing right now to give any of that up.”

Tam nodded slowly, “I guess that makes sense. Still, shouldn’t keeping Keefe in line be more Sophie’s problem than yours? I mean, I know he’s your best friend and all, but still…”

Fits snorted, amused, “It’s Keefe we’re talking about. Keeping him in line takes both us most of the time. Plus somebody’s got to get his head back on straight when he’s annoyed Sophie too much. “

Fitz had a great deal of love for both Keefe and Sophie. He was genuinely glad that they seemed happy together. That being said, Fitz had no idea how their relationship had managed to last so long. They seemed to drive each other insane most of the time. And as Keefe’s best friend and Sophie’s cognate Fitz got to hear all too much about all of it.

He was the sympathetic ear they both seemed to turn to when they needed someone to listen. Fitz had long ago decided he had no problem listening to their relationship woes but as someone who had close ties to both of them he refused to get caught in the middle. So he was available if they wanted to vent, but he offered no real advice and refused to get involved. Luckily they both seemed happy to just have someone to vent to and didn’t ever require him to do anything else.

When things were good in their relationship, they seemed really good. Both of them always seemed very happy, which made Fitz happy for them. But lately he’d notice that these venting sessions seemed to be increasing in frequency. From both of them. They always seemed to let it go and decide to work it out though. And really, Fitz was still pretty much completely inexperienced in the relationship department so who was he to judge? Maybe what they had was completely normal and it just seemed extreme to him because he was so close to both of them and therefore heard about it all the time.

Tam snickered, “Keefe is a handful. Better her than me anyway.”

Fitz sighed wishing he could say the same. “Anyway, so no I’m not looking right now. I figure when I get to the point in my life when I’m ready I’ll know and then I’ll go get my first match list. Until then it would just be a waste of a list. After all, you do only get five of them.”

Tam turned to look at him again, “You aren’t at all curious about who might appear on your list?”

Fitz shifted again, uncomfortable about this turn to the conversation for reasons he didn’t want to delve too deeply into, “Sure, I’m a bit curious, but not enough to waste a list. Knowing my luck I’m going to need all five.”

Tam chuckled, “Sometimes I feel the same way. I’m not the most personable of people.”

“I don’t think you’ll have as much of an issue as you think you will,” Fitz smiled teasingly at him, “After all you were at your grumpiest when we first met you and it didn’t take long for us to become friends.”

Tam glared at him, grumbling “I’ll show you grumpy…”

Fitz laughed in reply, “I mean it! You didn’t want to even associate with us at first, but it didn’t take long before we trusted you wholeheartedly. Just think of what you could do if you actually tried!”

Tam glared at him again, “Just as long as I’m not expected to be bubbly or anything.”

Fitz’s imagination immediately conjured an image of Tam bouncing around in excitement squealing. It was too much and he dissolved into laughter. It wasn’t quite as funny as his inability to stop laughing would suggest but Fitz was overtired and every time he started to get himself back under control the image would resurface and he would lose it again.

Tam waited him out with an expression of extreme patience on his face. Eventually though he turned and poked Fitz, “It wasn’t that funny!”

Fitz, choking, managed to reply, “I know!” before another fit of the giggles took him. He buried his face in his arms and was laughing so hard he missed his door opening again and Sophie entering.

She paused when she got to them, before raising an eyebrow at Tam, “What’s so funny?”

Tam shrugged in reply, “I don’t know. I think I broke him.”

“Fitz?” She asked, a little worriedly. When he didn’t reply, face still buried in his arms shoulders shaking, she tried _“Fitz?”_

He forced himself to take several deep breaths to calm down, before lifting his head and wiping the tears from his eyes. “I’m ok. Sorry, it’s been a weird day. What’s up?”

She look she gave him was still slightly worried, but she let it go. “You know that issue the trolls have been having? With some of them disappearing?”

“Yes,” Fitz replied slowly, not liking where this was going. There had been several of the younger trolls who had gone out to gather food in the last few weeks and never returned. They were suspected to be dead, but no one had been able to turn up any evidence of what had happened. The most recent disappearance had been as recent as yesterday.

“Well, the one who went missing yesterday turned back up, but he’s in rough shape. Can’t seem to talk about what happened to him. The council has asked that I go down and search his memory. See if I can figure it out. And if we can still rescue the others.” And she needed him for that. The minds of the other races were not like Elven minds and it was easy for a Telepath to get lost searching their memories. But the two of them together had always had great success.

Still, he groaned and dropped his head back onto his arms. He was not apparently going to be getting any sleep anytime soon.

“Fitz?” Sophie asked, sounding worried again. He let out a wordless grumble in return. 

Tam patted him sympathetically on the back, “I think he’s just had a rough day. Give him a minute.”

“Ok,” Sophie replied. She still sounded worried though.

_“I’m ok,”_ He reassured her, _“It just that if I can’t be melodramatic in front of my friends when can I be?”_

He was rewarded with a small smile, _“I could probably manage on my own if you’re not feeling up to it.”_ She offered.

Fitz shook his head, _“Not with a Troll you couldn’t. If it was an Elf, maybe. But not a Troll.”_

He stood, stretching, before turning to Tam, “You good?”

Tam nodded at him, “Yeah, thanks.”

Fitz smiled wearily at him, “Don’t mention it.”

“You go ahead, I’ll clean up before I head home,” Tam offered.

“Thanks,” Fitz replied, “At least I hadn’t gotten changed yet.”

Tam chucked, “Yeah, I’m starting to see what you mean about having no time.”

“You have no idea!” Fitz grinned wryly at him, before turning back to Sophie. “Ready?”

“Yeah,” She nodded, but her gaze was flicking worriedly from him to Tam. _“Is Tam ok?”_

_“He’s fine.”_ Fitz replied, as he started steering her towards the door, _“He was just wondering about a few things. No big deal, don’t worry about.”_

_“If you’re sure…”_ Sophie reluctantly began to follow him.

_“I’m sure.”_ He shot her a quick reassuring smile as he opened his front door. “See you Tam!”

“Bye, Tam!” Sophie added, following him out.

The door began to shut on Tam’s returning shout of “Bye!” and Sophie turned to him, still frowning.

“You sure you’re up for this?” She asked. She could probably feel his weariness now that their minds were connected. They were pretty in sync these days anyway; she would have noticed it eventually no matter what.

He gave her another reassuring smile holding out his hand, “I’m sure. What else is being young for if not to push yourself past your limits and keep going anyway. I’ll live.”

She stared at him hard for a moment before apparently deciding that he must be telling the truth because she took his offered hand and held up her pathfinder, “Let me do most of the heavy lifting this time though, just in case.”

He mock saluted her with his free hand, “Aye, Aye Captain!”

She rolled her eyes at him and then they leapt away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still unbeta'd.
> 
> Don't expect updates quite this often. I had the first 2 chapters pre-written before I posted anything and this one mostly done. I haven't got anything else written yet so any further postings will depend on how much time I have. It will probably be the weekend at the earliest before I get anything else posted.
> 
> Next Chapter: Fitz gets an invite. Sophie is worried.


	4. Sophie Comes Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sophie reads his mails and frets, Fitz can't figure out what the big deal is.

Fitz finally had a day off. Sort of anyway, Sophie was coming over for Cognate training, but Fitz didn’t really consider that to be work really. It wasn’t really training anymore anyway, they just called it that. They were pretty religious about ensuring that they stayed well connected. Neither of them wanted to lose the other. Their bond as Cognates was too important. So they met up frequently to reconnect, catch up and do a few minor telepathy exercises.

Towards the end of the war they’d been forced to work separately a lot more than they might have liked. At one point, after they’d been separated for over a month, they’d caught Ruy, a very valuable captive considering his position within the Neverseen. So Fitz and Sophie had their first chance in ages to work together to search his mind for anything useful. They had managed alright, and gotten some very useful intel to boot, but it had taken them several minutes to fall into their usual routine and really get going. Since they were rather used to clicking instantly and having no troubles this delay had freaked Sophie out.

Fitz had been less worried; he figured they’d just been out of practice since it had been so long since they had even seen each other. Sophie took his input and decided right then and there to declare mandatory weekly cognate training. This had amused Fitz greatly as in the beginning of their training he’d often felt like he had to chase Sophie to get her to agree to do some training.

He’d been cheerfully teasing her about the tables being turned when she’d unexpectedly thrown her arms around him and started crying. This had worried him, he’d known that she had been having a rough few weeks but up until that moment she had seemed to be holding it together fairly well.

But with her face tucked into the curve of his shoulder and her arms so tight around him he’d been worried about his continued air supply, she’d tearfully exclaimed that she couldn’t lose him. Fitz had hugged back, just as hard, and reassured that wouldn’t happen. And he’d happily train with her anytime.

So they had started with the weekly sessions. Fitz had honestly believed that they would do the weekly sessions for a few months before something would happen and Sophie would get stupidly busy again and things would go back to the status quo. She had surprised him though as they were still going strong even all these years later. To the point where she had been known to wake him up in the middle of the night if it had been more than a week since they’d last had to work together as Cognates and insist on a session.

For the sake of his sanity (and sleep schedule) Fitz had started ensuring that they scheduled the sessions in ahead of time. They worked together often enough these days that they were probably unnecessary but Fitz still enjoyed the time to catch up with Sophie so he wasn’t about to stop them anytime soon.

They would spend some time catching each other up on anything important that had happened recently and any plans that they might have been making for the future before doing some light telepathy exercises. Most days it took no more than an hour or two though they usually ended up hanging out for far longer than that. And he always looked forward to the sessions.

He decided it was probably best to get some food in him before Sophie got here, so he headed downstairs after a leisurely shower to see what he could find. Forestgrove, his home, was so small as far as Elven residences were concerned that only two gnomes had decided to make their home with him. Lutra and Kiko were by this point in time very good friends of his. He was grateful for their presence as he was usually so busy he was pretty sure his house would be in shambles if they weren’t around.

When he headed downstairs he ran into Lutra peeling fruit in the kitchen. She smiled in greeting at him, “Good morning, Oran Berries came into season a little bit earlier this year. Thought I’d sear some up for you for breakfast.”

He grinned at her in reply, “You’re too good to me. Can I help?”

“No, no,” She shook her head at him, “I’m fine. You had some mail though; I put it in your study.”

“I can check it later. I don’t mind helping.”

“No, off with you. Get the paperwork out of the way so you can relax for once.” She sternly shooed him away, “I’ll call you when it’s ready.”

So he headed off to his study to see what he needed to deal with. There were two scrolls waiting for him. One was a missive for a council member, he recognized that instantly as he received them fairly often, the second was a fancy scroll but he was not immediately able to determine its purpose. Deciding to get work out of the way first he snagged the council scroll and opened it.

It was from Councillor Bronte asking for a brief update on his current assignment, so he set to work immediately crafting a reply. He was about halfway finished when Lutra called him back for breakfast. He gathered everything up, including the unknown scroll and headed back to the kitchen, where he set to work both filling his stomach and finishing his update.

He was mostly done with both when Sophie strolled in with a cheerful “Morning!”

His mouth was full so he replied mentally instead, _“Morning!”_

She came over to lean over his shoulder to read what he was writing, “What you working on?”

_“Bronte wants an update on the Dwarf thing.”_

She sighed, exasperated, “It’s your day off Fitz; you’re not supposed to be working.”

_“When they need an update, they need an update. I can spare ten minutes of my time.”_

She shook her head at him, before sitting down beside him. She picked up the fancy unopened scroll, turning it over in her hands, “What’s this one?”

He swallowed the final bite of food, “Don’t know. Haven’t had the chance to open it yet.”

She fiddled with the seal for a second before giving him a side-eyed raised eyebrow in question. He shrugged, “Go ahead.” He had no secrets to hide from her.

She immediately tore it open and started to read. Fitz turned back to his scroll, finishing the last few lines before signing it and rolling it up. He turned to Lutra, who was cleaning up from making breakfast. 

“That was delicious Lutra, thank you.” He smiled at her.

She smiled back at him, “Always a pleasure. Leave that here, I’ll make sure it gets to Councillor Bronte”

Fitz smiled again, “Thanks, don’t know where I’d be without you.”

He turned back to Sophie, only to see her frowning absently at the scroll in her hands. He bumped her shoulder lightly with his, “Am I getting arrested or something?”

“Huh?” She shot him a confused look, “Why would you think that? What did you do?”

He laughed, “I didn’t do anything. You were just looking at that scroll like it said something you didn’t like. What is it?”

She shook her head, “I was just thinking, I don’t really have an opinion on it.”

He raised an eyebrow, that seemed unlikely as she was still frowning, but all he said was “What is it?”

“Oh,” she smiled a little at him, “Sorry, it’s an invite to a Winnowing Gala.”

He leaned over to read it over her shoulder, checking the date. It was for next weekend. “Huh. I might actually be able to go to that.” 

He stood up heading for the sitting room, “Coming?” he asked over his shoulder at her.

Sophie slid off the chair, closing the scroll, but bringing it with her, “Fitz?”

He hummed an absent reply.

“Are you going to go?” She asked.

“Maybe? If I have time anyway,” he shrugged, unconcerned, “Can’t hurt to meet the person anyway. Why?”

She studied him for moment, absently chewing her lip. The silence stretched as they reached the sitting room and made themselves comfortable on the couch. “Sophie?” he prompted.

“I’m worried about you.” She said, still frowning at him in an absent way.

He blinked, caught off guard by that, “Worried about me? Why? I’m fine.”

“Maybe,” she said softly, “But you’ve been working an awful lot lately.”

“I guess,” he replied, “But it’s just work. I’m not having trouble.”

She sighed, “Fitz, you come exhausted half the time, and you almost never take any time off. Maybe you need a break.”

He stared at her, “I don’t feel like I need a break.”

She frowned again, “That’s what worries me.”

He shook his head at her, “Come on now. I’m fine. I have regular check-ups with both Elwin and Livvy and they both say I’m fit as a fiddle and you would know if my mind were in any danger of fracturing and it’s not.”

Sophie just frowned at him some more, “Maybe it’s not fracturing but that doesn’t mean you’re not stressed out.”

He laughed, “I can handle a little stress Sophie. And if it’ll make you feel better than I promise if it ever feels like I can’t handle it you’ll be the first to know. I’m fine, really.”

He wasn’t sure she was really convinced but she apparently decided to drop it anyway, “Alright, if you say so. But you had better come to me if you need me.”

“Always,” he reassured her, smiling, “And anyways, what does being worried about me have to do with me being invited to a Winnowing Gala?”

She shifted on the couch, tucking her legs up under her to get more comfortable, “A girlfriend might be good for you.”

He rolled his eyes, “I don’t need a girlfriend. I’m perfectly happy as is.”

Sophie hard stared at him for a moment, “Maybe you don’t necessarily need one, but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be nice for you to have one.”

Fitz blinked at her again, still off balance from this whole conversation, “Where is this coming from?”

“I told you,” she scowled at him, “I’m worried about you! Most of our friend group has somebody now. You’ve never even been on a date Fitz. I don’t want you to be left out.”

“I’m not feeling left out, I’m just busy. I haven’t got time for a relationship right now.”

Sophie shook her head again, “And that brings us back to you maybe taking a bit of a break every once and while. You’re overworking yourself! Don’t deny it! It’s true! You could make time, if you wanted to. You don’t have to solve all the Elves problems yourself Fitz!”

That was a slightly ironic statement coming from her, he was about to open his mouth to tell her so when she quietly continued, “I don’t want you to be lonely Fitz. You deserve more than this.”

He let out a breath, “Alright.” He stood up, taking the two steps necessary to allow himself to plop down on the low table in front of her, putting them eye to eye.

“Look, I appreciate that you’re worried about me, but I’m not lonely.” He stared hard into her eyes, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, willing her to understand him. Even if he wasn’t sure he could properly explain himself. “I know I work a lot, but that’s because I love what I do. I want to work, even if it is at times exhausting and frustrating. I’m passionate about what I do, which is why I maybe don’t say no as often as I should when the council calls.”

“I push myself, sometime maybe too hard. But I try and make up for it when I do have to skip a meal or work later than is maybe healthy. I do visit Elwin and Livvy to make I’m not doing any damage to myself physically. As for mentally, I’ve always figured I had you to backstop me there.”

“Of course you do!” She cut in, “I’d never abandon you Fitz.”

He grinned a little at her, “I know. So really, I’m ok.”

Sophie sighed, “Just promise me you’ll go to the Gala and give it a shot.”

He shrugged, “Sure, I’ve always said if I met the right person I’d be willing to give it a shot. Just haven’t met that person yet.”

“And no last minute emergency at work! You have to go.” She scowled hard at him again.

“I can’t exactly plan for an emergency Sophie,” he said dryly. “That’s why it’s called an emergency.”

“Well, you can let someone else handle it for once. You can tell them you’re busy and you have plans.”

“That doesn’t always work –“

“Fitz!” She glared at him.

“Alright! Alight!” He held up his hands in surrender, “I will go to the Gala and meet this –“, he searched his mind for the host’s name.

Sophie sighed, giving him a look that indicated that she thought he was hopeless, “Anise, Fitz. Her name is Anise.”

“Hey,” he protested, “I only skim read the thing. You can’t blame me for not having her name memorized!”

She laughed at him slightly, “Just go to it.”

“I already said I would.”

“And actually talk to her. And dance with her. And get to know her. Make an effort!” She was glaring at him again.

“You sure are demanding for someone who’s never been to one of these things herself.” He pointed out.

“I went to Biana’s!” she protested.

He laughed at her, “Not exactly the same thing as being invited as a guest Sophie!”

She gave him a considering look, “Have you ever been to one as a guest?”

“Four,” he gave her a strange look, “Why don’t you know that?”

“Maybe because you didn’t tell me?!?” She grabbed the pillow she’d been leaning against and whacked him over the head with it, “Why wouldn’t you tell me something like that?”

“Ow!” He complained, even though it didn’t really hurt, “I don’t know. I guess I figured that I already had. Or maybe it didn’t seem important because it’s not like I hit it off with any of them.”

She frowned at him, “How come you didn’t hit it off with them?”

He shrugged, “Different reasons.”

She gave him a Look, “And those reasons are?” 

He gave her an amused look in return, leaning back on his hands trying to remember. None of them particularly stood out in his mind.

“I’m waiting,” Sophie said pointedly.

“Give me second, most of them were a while ago.” He replied, more amused.

Sophie gave huff of frustration, but didn’t speak further. She did, however, start tapping her finger impatiently against the arm of the couch.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

He smiled, thoroughly amused now. _“You’re ridiculous.”_ He told her fondly.

He was still looking at the ceiling, but he heard her shift and knew she was about to protest the statement so he spoke before she could, “The first was ages ago, you were just about to finish the Silver Tower if I remember correctly. The girl, I think her name was Caithe, said the work ‘Vacker’ about 10 times in the first two minutes of me meeting her. If I’m going to be with someone, they better be interested in me and not my last name, so I never pursued anything with her. She contacted me a few times after, I think, but I wasn’t really interested.”

“That makes sense,” Sophie said softly, “I wouldn’t have liked her if I thought she was using you for your name.”

Fitz chuckled, shooting Sophie another fond look, “Glad you approve my decision. The second wasn’t long after that. You might have been in the Gold Tower or maybe freshly graduated. I don’t remember exactly. Anyway, there was no way I was having anything to do with that one. Kasmeer was her name. She met me and went off on how all the changes we’d fought so hard for were huge mistakes. I don’t think she’d realized I was a part of making those changes come about. She just saw Vacker and thought since I was from an old family I’d agree with her. Obviously I didn’t. And told her so. Never had anything to do with her since.”

Sophie was frowning in distaste, “I would have been very angry with you if you had tried dating someone like that.”

He rolled his eyes at her, “Obviously that was never going to happen, talk about incompatible. The third was four years ago, I think. Liadri was her name. There wasn’t really anything wrong with her, we just didn’t really have much in common. We talked for a bit but it fizzled out pretty quick.”

Sophie nodded, “Can’t hit it off with everyone. And the fourth one?”

“That was last year –“

“You went to a Gala last year and didn’t tell me?” Sophie cut in, looking offended.

He frowned, “I think I was going to mention it, but then you and Keefe had that big blow out and I got distracted and forgot. And then I went and nothing came of it, so it seemed pointless to bring it up after the fact.”

She scowled, but said “I guess I’ll forgive you. This time.”

“Thanks, I think,” He laughed, “Anyway, her name was Glenna. We actually maybe did hit it off a bit at first, I think.”

“You think?” Sophie cut in, “Shouldn’t you know if you hit it off with someone?”

“Well, it didn’t last long. We were chatting and walking at the same time. She tripped and I caught her but she dumped half a glass of Lushberry juice on my shirt at the same time. My sleeve was soaked. She’s about as graceful as you are apparently.

Fitz grinned at her scowl, Sophie’s lack of grace was a bit of a running joke among their friends these days. No one ever lost the chance to tease her about it. “Anyway, her father offered to lend me a clean shirt, so I went in to change. She came in to see if I was ok about halfway through and –“

“Sounds like she just wanted to see you with your shirt off!” Sophie cut in, teasing.

He smiled slightly in reply. “Maybe, but if that’s the case then she probably regretted it. “

“Why?” Sophie asked, puzzled.

“Cause she saw my scars.” He replied.

Sophie grimaced. Any mention of the permanent reminders any of her friends had of their fight always upset her. Fitz himself had three scars from the war (or six, depending on how you looked at it. His always seemed to come with both entry and exit wounds.) The first, of course, was in the middle of his back and chest from where the antenna of the arthropleura had gone clean through him in that disastrous raid on Exile. 

That had, honestly though, been the least traumatic near death injury he had sustained. For him and for Sophie. The second had come not long after they had freed Sophie’s parents from the Neverseen and Vespera had escaped Atlantis with Lady Gisela (Fitz refused to refer to her, even mentally, as Keefe’s mom.). The two of them had decided that if they were to succeed with their schemes then Sophie had needed to be taken out. They had unfortunately, decided to go about that in a less than direct way and had, unbeknownst to Black Swan, targeted Fitz as a way to get to Sophie.

It had actually been a rather ingenious plan, if you could overlook how twisted it was. They had sent out just enough intel to make it look like Sophie was the target. Then they recruited one of the librarians at the archive and had him tell Black Swan (or more specifically Sophie) about some ancient books from around the time Vespera was active. The librarian had insisted that only members of the ancient families could be trusted with the information from the books, and had indicated that the Vackers were the only ones in the group he felt were worthy. Which meant either Fitz or Biana had to be the one to check it out. At the same time intel came to Black Swan about a Neverseen hideout that they could stage a raid on. 

Biana talents were much more suited to the raid than the research and Fitz had never minded research anyway. So to his frustration, he found himself left behind again to go read some dusty old books while all his friends went forth in danger. Or so everyone had thought. The hideout was actually empty and held no real danger. The librarian has insisted no Goblins near the ancient books, and Grizel was too talented to be left out of a dangerous raid anyway. It had been assumed that Fitz would be safe enough, locked in the archives. So everyone else had gone to check out a decoy Neverseen base, while Fitz headed down to do some research.

He’d spent maybe half an hour trying to get through the ancient texts when he’d been ambushed by Ruy and Vespera. He’d had no time to react; they had snuck up behind him and stabbed him in the back, low just over his right hip, before he’s even realized that it wasn’t the librarian who had entered the room. He’d lost a lot of blood quickly and had frantically tried to reach Sophie’s mind for help. He’d managed to reach her, at that point in time only able to offer a weak ‘help!’ before passing out.

Sophie had, of course, rushed back to the archives, where she’d been ambushed by the Neverseen. Ruy had put a shield around Fitz preventing them from reaching him, forcing them to fight. Thankfully, the Neverseen had either underestimated the ferocity in which his friends could fight when forced to, or had only counted on a few members of Black Swan coming to his rescue not the entire raid team that had come. Or the backup that Sophie had called (screaming into the heads of everyone she knew to get there and get there now). The Neverseen had been forced to flee, leaving Fitz bleeding out on the floor. Luckily, both Elwin and Livvy were among those Sophie had mentally screamed at and were able to administer treatment immediately on site. Fitz had still very nearly not made it due to all the blood loss. And he had a jagged scar as a memento of the occasion.

He had never been quite as good as she was at the long distance transmissions. That fact, combined with the gaping hole in his side, and the blood loss had meant he had struggled to let her know he had been in trouble. Sophie had declared this unacceptable and they had practiced his transmitting to her relentlessly for weeks until he could find her almost instantly (and she him) regardless of the distance between them.

The third scar was on his left knee. It had been nearing the end of the war and the Neverseen had mostly been on the run. Lady Gisela had been caught, though Vespera was still on the loose. They had been closing in on a Neverseen hideout, separated into two groups. Sophie and Fitz had been separated because of the ease of transmitting between them at that point meant that they made for great communication for the two groups to stay connected. The Neverseen had started using some human weapons, guns to be specific, to fight and it was a stray bullet that had struck him going right through his knee joint, in the right side and out the left, as he attempted to dive out of the way.

His group had the misfortune to meet a Neverseen strike force that had been heading out to do something (it had been determined that they hadn’t actually known that Black Swan was there, it was just bad luck). Unfortunately, Fitz had been a part of the smaller of the two groups and they had been quickly overwhelmed. Fitz had been hit early on and dropped his home crystal. The remainder of his group had been forced to flee and in the confusion had accidentally left him behind. The Neverseen had knocked him out, stripped him of anything he’d had on him (including his panic ring and cognate rings) and dragged him to Vespera.

She had decided to use him again to draw Sophie into a trap. When he awoke strapped to a table she had told him the only thing he had to do to make her stop was to call for Sophie. They had not treated his knee in any way so he had been mildly delirious from the pain and blood loss (and unbeknownst to him, infection had been setting in). At that point in time he had understood exactly three things: Vespera was bad, Vespera wanted him to call Sophie and that he shouldn’t do what the bad people wanted him to. So he refused to call Sophie, or allow her to connect with him in any way.

The torture actually hadn’t been that bad, in comparison to what others had been forced to deal with at the Neverseen’s hands anyway. The Neverseen had had an Elf who could control lightning, and she had spent her time zapping him periodically. It hadn’t really been that painful, the worst was that he had never known when the next zap would be coming. None of it had left any marks on his skin; the only injury he sustained from the whole ordeal had been his knee. As time went on though, he had gradually gotten more and more delirious from the combination of pain, dehydration, lack of food and the infection in his knee.

He’s lasted two and a half days before he got too weak and Sophie managed to break through his mental blocking and track his location. He had, in his delirious ramblings to her, managed to pass along that it was a trap, so Black Swan had at least some forewarning of what they were walking into. Sophie had set herself up as bait trying to break inside the hideout while a smaller team snuck inside to rescue him. As soon as he was safe, Sophie and the rest of Black Swan had broken off their attack.

When he had been feeling better, Sophie had torn into him, furious he hadn’t called her sooner. In his defence, if he had been able to think clearly he probably would have realized that all he had to do was let Sophie know it was a trap and they would have been able to plan his rescue accordingly. He hadn’t been thinking clearly though. He had also mentioned to her at one point that it was ironic that the Neverseen had stripped him of his panic ring. If they had left that on him Dex would have been easily able to track his location and they would have had exactly what they wanted. Especially since Dex would have managed to track him fairly quickly, which would have meant that the rescue probably would have happened before Fitz had regained consciousness the first time and been unable to warn them of the trap. Sophie had replied that she was considering having Dex surgically impant one him, just so he couldn’t pull a stunt like that again. He had dropped the conversation.

Livvy and Elwin had fixed up his knee to the best of their ability, but the delay in treatment and the degree of infection had meant that it never really healed 100%. He still limped at times when he overworked it and it was often stiff if he’s been sitting still for too long. He had also been bedridden for several weeks following the incident, which had led to him and Sophie not practicing as much, which had led to them having trouble connecting, which had led to these weekly sessions. 

He was ok though. Had survived. And he didn’t really mind the scars so much anymore, they were a part of him and he no longer saw them as ugly. That didn’t mean other Elves didn’t see them that way. They were a society that appreciated beauty and with their advanced medical techniques scarring was an incredible rarity. It was not a surprise that when some Elves saw scars for the first time they reacted with horror and disgust.

He really didn’t want Sophie thinking about scars though; she still acted far too guilty that any of them had them, like she had somehow forced then to join the fight, so he hurried on. “She freaked out a little. I don’t really blame her; scars aren’t something most Elves really ever see. I wasn’t going to hold it against her, but she pretty much just stopped talking to me. Wanted nothing more to do with me and made it clear she found their presence on my body disgusting. Apparently it was a deal breaker for her.”

He shrugged, “I wasn’t about to chase someone who had such a problem, I mean, it’s not like they are ever not going to be there. And besides, it’s a little shallow to have that big of a problem about scars.”

Sophie was glaring at the wall, “I’m sorry you had to go through that Fitz. I –“

He cut her off; he hated the guilt she always felt. Especially since this wasn’t in any way her fault. “I’m not. She saved me a lot of time and effort. I don’t want to be with someone like that. Can you imagine how much worse it would have been if we had dated for a while and I was actually invested and then she’s seen the scars?”

Sophie smiled slightly, “I guess there’s that. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me though.”

He shrugged, “It wasn’t personal. It’s just you were having that big fight with Keefe and it seemed cruel to start talking about how I was going to meet somebody and potentially date them when you two were having issues.”

“Maybe.” She frowned at him, “I don’t ever want you to be uncomfortable coming to me at any time though. Regardless of what I’m going through.”

He chuckled a little, “I wasn’t uncomfortable Sophie. It just wasn’t anything I saw as a big deal.”

She glanced at him, still looking mildly upset, “If you had needed me though –“

“I would have come to you.” He replied firmly, “I just wasn’t that upset about what a near stranger thinks of my body.”

“Alright then,” She smiled at him and he smiled back, “But it kind of weird, though isn’t it, thinking of you with a girlfriend?”

He gave her a dry look, “This coming from the girl who five minutes ago was telling me I needed to find one.”

Sophie shrugged, “You probably do. But it’ll still be weird when you get one. I’m not used to having to share you.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, and Sophie blinked at him and then grimaced, “That came out really selfish, didn’t it?”

Fitz stood up and moved to flop beside her on the couch, slinging an arm around her shoulders. “Just a little. But don’t worry; I won’t let any girlfriend of mine come between us.”

“I mean if Keefe can be chill about how close we are then I’m not about to let my future, hypothetical girlfriend tell me not to spend time with you.”

Sophie leaned into him, “I’m glad to hear it.”

He gave her a little shake, “And you really can stop fretting. I’m ok and one day I’m sure I’ll have a relationship as happy as yours is, yeah?”

Sophie went still under his arm and his heart sank a little. What was going with them now? 

“Sophie? Everything ok?”

She sat up, giving him a quick reassuring smile, “Yeah, we’re good.”

Fitz gave her a wary look, “You sure?”

She nodded, but Fitz wasn’t convinced. She shot him a quick smile again. “It’s nothing. Really.”

“It doesn’t sound like nothing.”

She gave another weak smile, “It is. Nothing.”

He debated internally for a minute, wondering if he should drop it. But she looked kind of lost, and he just couldn’t. “Did you guys have a fight?”

“No!” she shook her head, “We haven’t had a fight in while. Things have been really good between us lately.”

She fell silent and Fitz waited for a minute to see if she would continue. When she didn’t, he gently prompted her, “It sounds like there was a ‘but’ on the end of that statement.”

“But nothing.” She said firmly, “Really. There’s nothing for me to be upset about right now.”

She certainly looked like she was upset about something though. Fitz decided to drop it though. He was always willing to listen to his friends’ troubles but he had always stayed firmly out of any of Sophie and Keefe’s relationship issues. And Sophie never liked being pushed anyway.

“Alright then,” He gave her a small nudge with his shoulder, “I’m here if you need me though.”

Sophie gave him a grateful smile, “I know, Fitz.”

He smiled back, “Should we get started then?”

She nodded and they began. It took about an hour for them to get through all the exercises and like normal they flew through them easily. After being Cognates for this long working together was as easy as breathing.

When they were finished Sophie lingered and they chatted quietly about nothing important. This wasn’t unusual; Sophie often stuck around to hang out after their sessions. She was still a little too quiet and thoughtful though, something clearly on her mind.

They had fallen into a comfortable silence and Fitz had closed his eyes and relished the peace when Sophie spoke softly, “Fitz?”

He hummed an answer to let her know he was listening.

“Do you think…” She trailed off uncertainly and Fitz opened his eyes to look at her.

“Sophie?” he prompted, just as soft.

“Sometimes… sometimes I wonder if Keefe and I were really meant to be.” She swallowed looking very upset about that admission, “Do you think that makes me a bad girlfriend?”

Fitz sat up slowly, thinking fast. This was not a conversation he wanted to screw up. “I think that there’s no such thing as meant to be.”

Sophie gave him a startled look, but he continued, more sure of what he wanted to say now, “I think that’s there’s just people and some people may be more compatible together than other people, but at the end of the day if a relationship works or not it comes down to the people. I think any couple can make it work if they want it badly enough, if they’re willing to work for it. I think only you can decide if you’re meant to be, because only you can decide if any relationship you have is worth it to you or not. Only you can decide if you’re happy.”

“And if it is worth it. If it does make you happy. If you’re willing to work hard for it. Then that is what makes a relationship meant to be.” He smiled softly at her, “So, no, I don’t think it makes you a bad girlfriend at all.”

She stared at him a long while and Fitz stared back, unsure of what else to say, or even if he should say anything else. Finally, she leaned over and hugged him hard. He hugged her back and hoped that he had managed to help.

“Thanks Fitz,” She said softly.

“Anytime, Sophie,” he relied as she released him and stood up.

“I should go,” She stood and started heading towards the door, “You coming to Marella’s for dinner tomorrow?”

He stood up too, “Should be.”

“Good, I’ll see you then.”

He nodded, “Call me if you need me.”

As she opened the door, she turned and shouted back at him, “And go to that Gala!”

Fitz sighed, raising his eyes to the ceiling and asking the universe for patience.

“Fitz!”

“I already said I would!” he shouted after her and he heard her laughing at him before the door finished closing. Fitz was left staring at his front door wondering if he was going to regret this.

He grimaced to himself. He probably would, but she’d make him go anyway so there was no point in fighting it. He sighed and turned to head for his study to find something to read, when his imparter went off. He checked it and it was Bronte.

He sighed again as he answered it. So much for a day off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd.
> 
> As warned Sokeefe is not in happy fun land.
> 
> The names Lutra and Kiko are from Neopets (yes, I'm from the Neopets geneeration, don't judge me." Kiko is a pet and Lutra is a petpet.
> 
> Oran Berries are, of course, from Pokemon.
> 
> Anise, Caithe, Kasmeer, Liadri and Glenna are all characters from Guild Wars 2.
> 
> Next Chapter: Dex thinks he's about to be dumped, the guys try to cheer him up.


	5. Dex is Getting Dumped

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dex thinks he's going to be dumped, Fitz and the other guys try to cheer him up.

“Well, it was nice seeing you!” Keefe called after the retreating backs of the female members of their friend group. The eight of them had met for lunch and once finished the girls had decided they had to go and do, well something, Fitz wasn’t entirely clear on what it was exactly they were going to do. Wasn’t even sure he wanted to be clear on that.

“Let it go,” Dex advised him.

“They’re ditching us!” Keefe whined in reply.

Fitz rolled his eyes, “Not the first time that’s happened.”

“Won’t be the last,” Tam added, “Really, let them go. It will be much less of a headache if we just let them go gracefully.”

Keefe grunted, and then turned to Fitz, “Tell Sophie I am very upset that she ditched me and she will pay for this later.”

“Tell her yourself!” he shot back.

“I can’t!” Keefe replied, “You’re the one with a direct line to her brain!”

“That sounds so wrong,” Dex cut in, “I mean, it’s kind of true but still.”

“Fitz! Tell her!” Keefe whined.

“No!” Fitz shook his head forcefully, “I’m not getting in the middle of this!”

Tam leaned over to Dex and said in an undertone that was nonetheless meant to be heard, “How long till he gives in and tells her?” Fitz shot him a dark look in reply.

“Any second now,” Dex grinned.

“You’re supposed to be my best friend,” Keefe pointed out.

“So?” Fitz replied.

“So you should help me!” Keefe said, slinging an arm around Fitz’s shoulders.

“I’m not sure how pissing Sophie off helps you,” Fitz said dryly.

“It probably won’t,” Tam said thoughtfully, “Which is why I am now in favour of you doing it.”

Keefe started shaking Fitz by the shoulders, punctuating each shake with a “Fitz!”

Fitz wriggled himself loose, “Keefe,” he said seriously.

“Yes?” Keefe replied with his best innocent face. And Keefe had spent a lifetime perfecting his innocent face.

“You are a grown man,” Fitz continued, “How are you more annoying now than when you were twelve?”

“It’s a gift,” Keefe replied still innocent, “Are you going to help me now?”

Fitz sighed and closed his eyes, ignoring Dex’s triumphant “See!” and cast his mind out for Sophie.

_“Keefe wants me to tell you that you will pay later for ditching us,”_ he was not an Empath but he was so used to Sophie’s mind that he didn’t need to be one to notice the ripple of annoyance that ran through her.

_“Why are you doing Keefe’s dirty work now?”_ She asked, instead of replying.

_“Because I don’t want to listen to him whine all afternoon.”_ He replied.

_“Well you can tell him the message is received,”_ and then she cut the connection. Fitz sighed again and relayed the message to Keefe.

“That’s it?” Keefe demanded.

“Yes,” Fitz replied, “And if you want anything more you go find her and ask. I’m not getting any more involved.”

Keefe opened his mouth to reply but Dex beat him to it, “So what are we going to do for the rest of the afternoon?”

“Suppose that depends on whether certain other people are also going to ditch us or not,” Tam replied with a side glance at Fitz.

“Why would I ditch you?” Fitz asked, mildly offended at being singled out.

“Work,” all three of his friends replied at the same time.

“Oh come on,” Fitz said aggrieved, “I am not that bad!”

He got an amused look from Tam, a pitying one from Dex and an exasperated one from Keefe for his troubles.

“It makes you feel better to think that, doesn’t it?” Dex said, sounding sympathetic.

“I am not that bad,” He protested again.

“You know,” Tam commented, still amused, “The first step to fixing things is admitting you have a problem.”

“I do not have a problem!”

“He comes by it honestly,” Keefe grinned, “Alden’s a workaholic too.”

“Guys!” Fitz protested again, “Lay off!”

They snickered at him but dropped it. Fitz was relieved. He did know he was a bit of a workaholic, but he really wasn’t that bad. He always made time for family and friends. And he enjoyed his job, so what was the big deal? He knew they were teasing but it still rubbed him the wrong way.

“So what are we going to do?” He asked to redirect them away from his work life.

“You know, it’s been a while since I had a chance to just hang out and do nothing in particular,” Dex said, “Maybe we should just head to somebodies house and chill.”

“Party at Fitz’s house?” Keefe suggested.

Tam nodded and pulled out his pathfinder. Fitz however squawked in annoyance, “What?!? Why my house? Keefe’s is bigger!”

Dex shook his head at him like he’s a small child, “There’s only four of us, we don’t need bigger.”

“Then why don’t we go to your place?”

“Too many valuable projects on the go, I’ll get distracted and start working.” Dex replied.

“We could go to Tams then!” He protested again.

The three of them had already grabbed onto each other though and Keefe reached out a hand and snagged Fitz too. Seconds later they were standing outside his front door. The others immediately moved to head inside. Fitz sighed and really hoped he wouldn’t regret this.

Dex started to mention some potion he’d been working on, one of those valuable projects he had on the go at his house and Fitz hurried forward to put a stop to that particular line of conversation. 

“No alchemy in my house!” He said firmly as they entered. It wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy hearing about Dex’s work or that he didn’t think his friend had valuable skills. It was only that…

“That was one time!” Keefe protested, “We said we were sorry!”

That one time had been several years back but Fitz wasn’t likely to forget it any time soon. The four of them had been hanging out at his house when he had received an emergency call from Councillor Oralie, an Elven child had gone missing while shopping with her parents in Atlantis. Fitz and Sophie had been called in to see if they could track her mind and speed the process of finding her.

He had left his friends at his house with promises to call if they needed extra help finding the child. While they were waiting the three of them had gotten to talking about some alchemy project Dex had been working on and was having some trouble with. Keefe had some ideas that might have helped him so they decided to test them out. Since they had told Fitz that they would stay at his house they decided that Dex would fetch his alchemy supplies and they would test out Keefe’s theories there. 

It turned out the toddler had simply gotten tired and curled up under a clothes rack to sleep, they couldn’t track a sleeping mind but once she woke back up there had been no trouble getting her. Crises averted, at least there. Fitz had returned home just in time to see Dex and Keefe’s concoction explode foul smelling yellow goo all over his sitting room.

He had not been impressed. It had taken them several hours to clean up and even with it cleaned his furniture was stained a gross yellow colour that made it look like someone had puked several times all over it. Smelled like it too. The mischief makers had tried to make an exit at that point but Fitz had cornered them and told them they were either going to get rid of the stains and the smell or they were going to buy him new furniture. They had ended up buying him new furniture.

Tam had of course sat back and watched the entire fiasco and been highly amused. He kind of sucked like that sometimes. Fitz had been paranoid about leaving Keefe and Dex alone in his house ever since.

“No alchemy,” Dex promised, grinning at him. Clearly he wasn’t as sorry as he pretended to be.

“Though,” Tam said thoughtfully, “This place does look like it could use a makeover.”

Fitz growled as he flopped onto a chair. The others laughed at him. Conversation flowed for a while before turning, as it often seemed to these days, to how things were going in various peoples love lives. Usually Fitz could pretty much sit these conversations out, he didn’t really date much, but unfortunately that wasn’t really the case lately. 

“So,” Keefe said grinning in Fitz’s direction, “How are things going with your girlfriend lately?”

“She not,” Fitz replied, very dignified, “My girlfriend.”

He got a bunch of disbelieving looks in response.

“She’s not!” He protested, “We’re just hanging out and seeing where things go right now. She’s been talking to a bunch of other guys from her Gala too. We haven’t made any sort of commitment yet.”

He had, as Sophie had so insisted, attended Anise’s Winnowing Gala. He had actually enjoyed himself too. Anise was sophisticated, intelligent, and witty. Conversation with her was enlightening and highly enjoyable. He quite liked her and was pretty sure she liked him too. They just hadn’t made anything official yet. Fitz worked best in baby steps when it came to these things. No point in rushing. They had their entire lives ahead of them after all. Getting his friends to understand that though was proving to be a challenge.

“Sophie met her, when you guys had to go to that emergency in Ravagog.” Keefe grinned at him, eyes dancing with mischief, “She described her as, and I quote, the most striking elf I have ever seen, and that’s saying something because we’re talking about elves.” 

“Striking is one way to describe her,” Fitz replied cautiously. And it was. She had the darkest skin Fitz had ever seen and long pitch black hair that she kept braided into hundreds of tiny braids with beads that click together every time she moved. He eyes were a pure sapphire and they stood out incredibly from her darker skin tone. She was certainly one of the more attractive Elves Fitz had come in contact with.

“So, you think she’s hot,” Dex laughed at him.

“She’s attractive,” Fitz admitted, “But that would mean anything if she wasn’t also someone I enjoyed spending time with.”

“So you do like her!” Keefe cheered victoriously.

“Sure,” Fitz replied, still uncomfortable with the conversation, “But she’s still not my girlfriend.”

“Yet.” Tam said softly, smirking at him. Fitz couldn’t quite deny that and they smirked victoriously at him.

Fitz then decided it was time to talk about someone else, “How are things going with Malyk, Tam?”

Thankfully, Tam accepted the subject change, “Pretty good. He applying to mentor at Foxfire next year.”

Fitz grinned at him, “He’d be good at that. He’s got the right temperament for teaching.”

Dex nodded. “Yeah, he’s real patient. Be especially good with the Level One’s.”

“He’d have to be patient,” Keefe snickered, “To put up with Bang’s Boy here.”

Tam made a rude gesture in Keefe’s direction and the two of them affectionately traded insults for a few minutes. Fitz traded looks with Dex and they both rolled their eyes. Knowing that Tam and Keefe could go on for hours if left to their own devices, Fitz waited until they paused briefly and cut in, “How about you Dex? How’s it going with Eir?”

Dex grimaced, “Ok? I guess.”

“You guess?” Tam asked concerned.

“Yeah,” Dex replied slowly, “I mean, we’re not fighting or anything. It’s just I can’t shake the idea that she’s going to dump me.”

“You sure that’s not just insecurity talking?” Keefe asked.

“I don’t think so,” Dex said, shaking his head, “There’s just all these little things lately, you know?”

“Like what things?” Fitz asked.

Dex frowned for a minute before relying, “Like she wants me to stop working with Dad at Slurp’s and Burps and focus full time on my technopathy.” Dex had decided to mostly work for the council, inventing new gadgets to improve their lives, but he also still worked a couple days a week at his dad’s shop. One of the triplets, Lex, had never manifested and was training up to one day inherit the business whenever Kesler decided he was ready to retire. The entire family still worked at the shop at least part-time though and Fitz knew that it was important to Dex that he never forgot where he came from.

“And she’s been implying a lot lately that she wants to check our match lists and see if we’re labelled as a good match or not,” Dex continued. Dex still refused to participate in the system that had haunted his parent’s marriage and most of his life. They were all trying to lobby the council to make changes to make the system a little fairer but the council insisted the only ones who could change that were the matchmakers themselves. And none of them knew any matchmakers. And they also had to work on public opinion, which was proving difficult in this case especially.

“Just stuff like that, you know?” Dex sighed, “It just seems like we’re not as compatible as it first seemed. And I’m just waiting for her to finally admit it.”

“If that’s the way you think, why not end it yourself?” Tam inquired gently.

“It’s hard,” Dex replied softly, “I never expected to ever have to see it end. I think we’ll be better off letting go, but I just keep thinking to myself give it another couple days, maybe you’re wrong. I don’t want to do anything rash, you know? But it’s looking more and more like it’s just not going to work.”

“But I just can’t seem to make myself take that plunge.” Dex sighed again.

“I get it,” Fitz told him, “You had planned a future that included her and now it’s hard to see one without her in it.”

Dex smiled at him slightly, grateful. “Yeah, it’s weird but I don’t know how to let go of her yet.”

Fitz nodded, “You shared a lot of firsts. No one wants to share any lasts.”

They all sat quiet for a few moments. Ironically, out of all of them Fitz had the most experience with a broken heart, despite never actually dating anyone. Getting over Sophie had been difficult, but he’d done it. Their situations weren’t identical but Fitz would be lying if he said he had never dreamed of a future with Sophie. He had been forced to let that go, she had chosen differently. It had been hard, but he’d gotten through it. Hopefully, he could pass on some of what he’d worked about out to help Dex.

“Just give yourself some time,” he advised, “It’s going to hurt letting go of all the hopes and dreams, but it’ll get easier as time goes by. You’ll find new futures to dream about and eventually it won’t seem weird at all that they don’t have her in them.”

He shifted, before he continued, “Let yourself grieve. Don’t let anybody tell you that you should be over it or moving on before you are good and ready to.” 

“Keep your family and friends close. Do things you enjoy. It doesn’t matter if you spend your days going through the motions at first, as long as you’re still trying. Stay busy, don’t give yourself too much free time to think or regret it. Just keep getting up every day and telling yourself that today’s the day you aren’t going to think about her and what could have been and then one day, suddenly, it’ll be true. And then it’ll be true most days.”

“Soon enough, you’ll feel normal. Don’t feel guilty about that, even if it happens sooner than you thought it would. And it will happen sooner than you think it will, because at the beginning it’s going to feel like it’ll never happen.”

“Most importantly, don’t feel ashamed. There’s nothing wrong with admitting that things aren’t going to work out. People can grow and change over time and it’s a sad fact, but it’s true, that sometimes we grow and change apart from the people we love. There’s no shame in admitting you aren’t compatible as life partners. There’s no shame in accepting that you can find someone that fits your life better than she does, and remember that she can also find someone’s who’s a better fit. It’ll hurt, but you’ll move forward and one day you’ll look back and know it was the right decision.”

“And don’t forget, we’re here if you need us.” Fitz finished. Hoping at least some of that had made sense.

Tam was staring at him thoughtfully, like Fitz had just shared some big secret that changed Tam’s view of him completely. It made him slightly nervous. Keefe was staring at his hands, looking contemplative and forlorn, which also made Fitz nervous for some reason. Dex was smiling at him though. It was a rather sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.

“Thanks Wonderboy, I’ll keep that in mind.”

Fitz rolled his eyes at him, on principle for the nickname, but smiled back. Tam cleared his throat and then changed the subject to something lighter. They continued to chat for a few hours about everything and nothing at all. Tam had to leave first as he was supposed to meet Malyk for dinner. Dex headed out shortly after him, claiming he needed to work on some of those projects. So Fitz stood up and began wandering to the kitchen to see about dinner for himself.

“You staying for dinner?” he asked Keefe over his shoulder.

There was silence for a moment and then Keefe spoke softly, “Did you mean what you said to Dex earlier? About there being no shame in finding out you actually weren’t compatible with someone?’

Fitz swallowed, mouth suddenly very dry. He was moving into dangerous territory here, his mind flashed back to that conversation he’d had with Sophie about her and Keefe maybe being not meant to be. He had gotten through that conversation ok. Hopefully, he could get through this one too.

“Sure,” he replied slowly, turning back to face Keefe. “I mean, that’s the whole point of dating isn’t it? To find someone you really are compatible with. If you knew 100% from the beginning there would be no point in dating anybody, you’d just go straight to marriage.”

Keefe was staring out the front window, not looking at Fitz, “But what if you love somebody a lot?”

“What’s love got to do with compatibility?” Fitz countered, “Just because you love somebody doesn’t mean that you’re good for each other. Sometimes love isn’t enough. You’ve got to have some common ground too. A shared desire to be together and make it work no matter what.”

“I never thought about it that way,” Keefe replied contemplative, “Love always seemed to be more important than all the rest of that stuff.”

Fitz cleared his throat, “Of course love is important. It’s just you have to think of the other stuff too.”

“Yeah,” Keefe nodded, “I see your point.”

Fitz nodded too, though he wasn’t sure the conversation had gone the way he had intended it. “You staying for dinner?”

Keefe shook his head, “Nah, I told Sophie we’d eat together.” He stood up and headed for the door.

“See ya Fitz!”

“Bye!” Fitz replied. He stood there, staring at the door a long time, trying to reason away the sinking feeling in his gut. Hopefully, they would work out whatever issue was going on with them. Fitz wasn’t sure what would happen if they broke up, but he was sure it wouldn’t be good. He hoped he was ready for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd.
> 
> The names Eir and Malyk are from Guild Wars 2.
> 
> I'm trying to post every Sunday, however I may miss next week due to the Xmas holidays. I have to work extended hours this week so it depends on how motivated I am.
> 
> Next Chapter: Keefe gets his match scroll, Fitz thinks he's looking at things all wrong.


	6. Keefe Gets His Match List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keefe has gotten his match list fro the matchmakers. Fitz can't figure out why he's so upset.

Fitz examined himself in the mirror for a moment, before mentally declaring himself presentable. Anise had been officially upgraded to ‘girlfriend’ a few months ago and he was getting ready to meet her for dinner. 

He rarely spoke about his relationship to his friends, mostly because they teased him endlessly about it and he was getting rather annoyed with it all. Just because he hadn’t really dated much didn’t mean he was incapable of it. The downside to waiting so long to actually date someone was, apparently, that everyone assumed he must be head over heels in love with Anise, when in reality they were very much still in the beginning stages of their relationship.

Still, things were going fairly well as far as Fitz was concerned. And he was looking forward to meeting her tonight. She was intelligent and conversation always seemed to flow very easily between the two of them.

And then he heard his front door crash open and back closed again. He waited to hear who it was; expecting anyone in such a hurry as to slam his door to call out to him, there was nothing but silence. Fitz frowned and headed for the stairs.

About halfway down he could see his visitor was Keefe. A highly agitated Keefe. He was clutching something, maybe a scroll, in one hand and pacing from one side of Fitz’s house to the other, muttering furiously under his breath.

Fitz mentally calculated the time this latest crisis might take to avert, mentally sighed, and headed upstairs to quickly use his imparter to let Anise know he would be late, before heading back down to see what had his best friend so worked up.

He expected Keefe to say something once he reached the main floor of his house, but Keefe just kept pacing, though Fitz noted he had ceased his muttering. After several seconds of standing there, completely unnoticed, Fitz cleared his throat.

“Hey Keefe,” he said casually. Keefe froze, and spun to face him. “What’s up?”

Keefe merely stared for several seconds. Fitz raised an eyebrow.

“Keefe?”

His best friend opened and closed his mouth several times, in which Fitz took as several aborted attempts to speak. This was unusual; it took quite a lot to render Keefe as speechless. Finally, Keefe let out a wordless growl and thrust the thing he was holding, which Fitz could now clearly see was indeed a scroll, in Fitz’s direction.

He raised an eyebrow again, but did step forward to take the scroll. His curiosity rose as he did, it was clearly a match scroll, and Fitz couldn’t see what would have Keefe so worked up about that. Unless…

“Please tell me this is yours and not Sophie’s.”

Keefe growled again, “Of course it’s mine!” before flopping dramatically down on Fitz’s couch throwing an arm over his eyes as he did so. Fitz raised an eyebrow again. That was more normal at least; Keefe was all about the dramatics.

Seeing nothing else to do, Fitz opened the scroll and skimmed the list of names. Nothing stood out to him as being terrible; the only name of real note was Biana’s way down at number 98. Fitz couldn’t imagine that was what Keefe was worked up about.

“I don’t get it,” he stated, “Looks fine to me.”

Keefe growled yet again, “Look at the names!”

Fitz skimmed the list again, still didn’t see anything of note. Maybe it was Biana’s name that had him worked up?

“You know, just because someone’s name is on here doesn’t mean you’re obligated to date them,” he commented, “It’s just a suggestion.”

Keefe lifted his arm off his eyes to glare furiously at Fitz. “It’s not about whose name is on the list! It’s about whose name isn’t on the list!”

Fitz scanned the list for the third time, noting what he had missed the previous two; Sophie’s name was indeed not on Keefe’s match list. 

“Huh.” He said, tossing the scroll on the table and taking a seat, still not entirely sure why Keefe was this upset.

“Huh?!?” Keefe sat up and rounded on him, “All you have to say is Huh?!?”

“Well,” Fitz replied reasonably, “It’s mildly interesting but hardly life threatening. So yeah, I say ‘huh’.”

Keefe shot of the couch and started pacing again, “I can’t believe this!”

Fitz frowned, feeling mildly concerned. Keefe was prone to dramatics but this was a huge reaction to a relatively minor thing.

“I’m not seeing what the big deal is,” Fitz replied, “So Sophie’s name isn’t on your list. So what?”

Keefe spun to glare at him again, “You don’t see a problem with the fact that my girlfriend of several years name isn’t on my match list?”

Fitz leveled him with a look, “Do the names Kesler and Juline mean anything to you?”

“You know the two people who weren’t on each other’s match list who married anyway and have been living together happily ever since. Even had a few kids, one of which just so happens to be a very good friendd of your?”

Keefe slumped a little, before throwing himself back on the couch beside Fitz, “This is different,” he grumbled mulishly.

“How?” Fitz replied, incredulous. Keefe did not answer, just grimaced. Fitz bit back the immediate ‘That’s what I thought.” And forced himself to do this more logically.

“Right,” he declared, “Let’s break this down.”

“This is your first match scroll, is it not?” He glanced at his best friend, noting the grudging nod.

“Right. So there are four other lists, any of which might have Sophie’s name on it and render every other point I’m about to make a moot point.”

Keefe grimaced, “You would think a girl I’ve been with for over ten years would qualify for my first list.”

Fitz managed to not roll his eyes at this. “Secondly, said girl has been working for all of said ten plus years of your relationship to change the matchmaking bias. She and her best friend, you know the one whose parents we may have just been talking about, have been working so that you can, if you’re already in a committed long term relationship, get tested to ensure that you aren’t accidentally related to one another. And if you’re not then your relationship is not ruled a ‘bad match’ regardless of if they appear on each others lists or not.”

“In other words,” Fitz continued, pointedly, “They are working to make the lists a suggestion only. Something to help get people started if they haven’t met anyone yet.”

“Which would make Sophie not being on your list actually a good thing, since that would be proving their point.” He glanced towards Keefe again, “In a rather high profile way to boot.”

“I mean, Sophie is sure not going to care if she’s on your list or not,” He stated firmly, “So why do you care so much?”

“The lists show you who you’re compatible with,” Keefe replied, grumbling, “Not being on each other’s list means less compatible.”

“Bullshit.” Fitz said firmly.

Keefe gave him an incredulous look, “Did you just swear?”

“Since when is ‘bullshit’ a swear word?” Fitz replied, confused.

“It is when you say it!” Keefe protested, “You’re too Vacker to swear!”

Fitz blinked at him, thrown by the sudden shift in conversation, “What does that even mean?”

Keefe opened his mouth, and Fitz decided this was a rabbit hole he didn’t want to descend and quickly cut him off, “Nevermind!”

“Anyway, I still call bullshit,” he continued, “You decide whether or not you’re really compatible with someone.”

Keefe frowned, “That makes no sense.”

“It makes perfect sense,” Fitz countered, “If you don’t like something your partner is doing, you discuss it with them and either come up with a compromise or you learn to live with whatever it is.”

Keefe frowned harder, “But what if you don’t compromise or if you can’t live with it. Then you’re not compatible.”

Fitz shrugged, “Sure. But you’re choosing to be that way.”

“No you’re not!” Keefe protested.

“Yes,” Fitz replied firmly, “You are.”

“You decide what you can and cannot live with. You can tell your partner what those limits are, and they can choose to not respect or live within those limits, but that is their choice. And if you don’t like their choice, then you either choose to live with it, or choose to walk away.” Fitz glanced once more at his best friend, before continuing a bit more gently, “But that is always your choice.”

“So you’re saying that if there’s something I don’t like then I just suck it up or walk away?” Keefe asked, sounding disgusted.

“No,” Fitz replied, exasperated, “That’s not what I said at all.”

“Well what did you say then?”

Fitz sighed, “I’m saying if Sophie is doing something that is upsetting you, or if you are doing something that is upsetting her you need to sit down and rationally discuss it with her. You need to either compromise and find something that works for both of you, or if that isn’t possible then the person doing the upsetting thing needs to decide if they are willing to stop. If they are not, for whatever reason, then the person being upset needs to decide if they can learn to live with the upsetting behaviour and let it go. If they cannot, then you have reached the point where you are incompatible. But along the way, both parties have been giving the opportunity to choose.”

“What if it’s a stupid reason?” Keefe asked, “For not wanting to change?”

“I’m not sure there is a stupid reason,” Fitz replied. “Even if the reason is ‘just because I like it’ then that’s fine. No one is obligated to change their behaviour just because someone else doesn’t like it. Even if that someone else is someone they care about very much.”

“But choosing not to change means the relationship will be over,” Keefe said softly.

Fitz swallowed, this was a very heavy conversation, and he was well aware that it could have far reaching consequences for two people that he cared very much for.

“That’s possible,” he replied just as soft, “But that’s what I mean. The only people who can truly decide if you and Sophie are compatible are you and Sophie. Because you are the only people who will really ever know what trials your relationship is going through and only you two can decide if the relationship is worth that.”

“And anyways,” Fitz continued, hoping to move the conversation to a slightly lighter place, “I still don’t see why you of all people are upset about this.”

Keefe gave him a confused look, “What do you mean?”

“A relationship that the big matchmakers authority says will never work, but making it work anyways. Going against the grain of society and proving them all wrong. Doing the opposite of what people are telling you is the right thing.” Fitz shook his head, “Dude, dating a girl not on your match list is totally right up your alley. I thought you’d be thrilled with yet another thing you can do that would freak the shit out of your oh-so-proper parents.”

Keefe smiled for the first time since arriving, “When you put it that way it does sound appealing,” he admitted.

“Also, you just swore again,” Keefe smirked at him, “I might finally be rubbing off on you Vacker.”

Fitz rolled his eyes, “Shit is not a swear word either.”

Keefe chuckled and stood up, “Anyway, thanks I guess,” he said as he gathered up the scroll and headed for the door.

“Anytime,” Fitz replied.

“Bye!” Keefe called and vanished out the door.

Fitz remained sitting, feeling very uneasy. That had been almost too easy. Keefe had seemed much happier when leaving but the mood shift had been rather sudden. Like he was faking it because he’s heard what he come to hear. Fitz was sure that this was just the beginning.

He had honestly no idea how Sophie and Keefe had managed to stay together as long as they had. It was no secret that they often drove each other insane. Fitz had long ago stopped questioning it. All he knew was that they were together and they loved each other. And that both would be devastated if the relationship ever ended.

Fitz did not know exactly what he would do if they broke up. Had no idea how he would get both of his best friends to the other side of that disaster in one piece. He had a sinking feeling that one day, and sooner rather than later, he was going to have to figure it out. He was really not looking forward to that day.

He hoped he had said the right thing today. He hoped that they would be able to work out whatever was bothering them. He couldn’t shake the feeling that that wasn’t about to happen though. So all he could do was hope that when the time came he would have the right words.

And hope he hadn’t inadvertently sped them on their way to their demise today.

Finally he sighed and stood. He had a date of his own to get too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still un-beta'd. But that might be changing.
> 
> Sorry for the 3 month delay. Work has been kicking my ass lately.
> 
> I think this chapter might be a little short, and I'm not entirely happy with it. But I decided to post anyway, since it's already been 3 months since I said I'd post.
> 
> Next Chapter: Marella gets a job offer. Fitz convinces her she's perfect for it.


	7. Marella Gets A Job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marella gets job offer and wants Fitz's opinion on it.

Fitz and Sophie had spent the day working with the gnomes who had chosen to return to the Neutral Territories after the war ended and it was safe to do so.  Fitz had continued to make it his mission to learn as much as possible about the other intelligent races.  He felt that there might have been subtle differences in the culture of the gnomes who preferred to live away from to elves.  He was right, of course, and was currently spending any free time he had with them, learning about those differences.

Sophie had mostly just tagged along because she could.  He was used to it, and didn’t really mind it, to be honest.  He always had a good time with Sophie. And besides, she sometimes noticed things he didn’t.  They always made a good team like that.

They had returned to Forestglade for dinner and were just finishing up, idly chatting about how the day had gone and what they had learned.  Fitz was in the middle of a comment on the difference in how the gnomes in the Neutral Territories viewed the other races when his front door opened and Marella strode in.

“Oh, good,” she commented. “You’re actually home for once.”

Fitz contemplated being offended as Marella reached the table and blinked in surprise at seeing Sophie too. She grinned ruefully.

“Are you ever not at his house?” she teased.

Sophie gave her a slight frown. “I’m not at his house all the time!”

Considering she had spent the last week and half sleeping in his spare bedroom, Fitz wasn’t quite sure how accurate that comment was.  He was a wise man, though, and knew not to call her on it.  Especially since that was a fairly long run of crashing at his place.

Sophie technically still lived at Havenfield with Grady and Edaline.  She had never felt the need to officially move out, and her adoptive parents were happy they still had her around.  Fitz knew that she often also ended up crashing at Keefe’s place too, which was not surprising as they were dating.  He had no idea how often she spent nights at Keefe’s versus home and had no desire to ask.  She had, until recently, mostly only crashed at his place when they ended up working particularly late or she was too tired.  Light leaping while tired was an all-around bad idea, especially when one was Sophie Foster, who invited trouble just by breathing.

Lately, though, she had been inventing excuses more and more on why she needed to stay at his place for the night instead. Eventually the excuses had gotten rather ridiculous and Fitz had told her she was welcome to use the room anytime, no questions asked.  She had started sleeping at Forestglade with an almost alarming regularity.

Fitz suspected, though he was rather afraid to confirm his suspicions, that she was sleeping at his place to avoid making it obvious to her parents that she wasn’t sleeping at Keefe’s very often anymore.  He suspected she didn’t want them asking any questions that she wasn’t ready to answer.

Not that Fitz didn’t have those same questions burning a hole in his mind.  Both Sophie and Keefe, when asked, insisted that everything was great between them and that they were having no problems.  Whenever he was around both of them at the same time they acted completely normal.  Outwardly, Fitz could find no reason to think that their relationship was having any troubles at all.

Except that Sophie was practically living in his spare bedroom.

And the fact that Keefe had messaged him last week, on the first night of this current run, wanting to know if Sophie was at his place because he wanted to be sure she was okay.  She had been, and Fitz had said so.  Keefe had refused to give any details as to why he had been worried.  He simply stated that he was glad she was with Fitz.  Sophie had been acting completely normal the entire time, not at all like she did when she and Keefe were fighting.  He hadn’t known what to make of it.

The whole thing was leaving him mildly anxious.  Both Sophie and Keefe were incredibly stubborn though, and he knew he would not get either of them to talk to him until they were good and ready.  So he was mostly making himself the good friend and letting Sophie indiscriminately use his spare room and periodically checking in on Keefe.  Admittedly, his excuses for checking up on Keefe were starting to get as ridiculous as Sophie’s had been for sleeping over.  And worse, Keefe hadn’t once called him on it.

It was all-around a strange situation.  Fitz often felt like things were in limbo these days and he was just waiting for the whole thing to fall apart.  And that he was somehow going to be responsible for putting it back together.  It was not a fun feeling.

Still, he did enjoy getting to spend a bit more time with Sophie.  The only issue was that it was starting to get difficult to explain to his girlfriend why his Cognate partner, who he was very much not interested in romantically (really) always seemed to be at his house recently.  Anise didn’t know Sophie or Keefe all that well yet and Fitz felt weird airing their dirty laundry to her. Especially since he wasn’t really sure what was going on himself.

Maybe things really were just fine and he was overreacting for nothing. Maybe.

He was unsure how much of this Marella was aware of, though. So he kept his mouth shut as she continued to tease Sophie and Sophie continued to grumble.

Eventually the teasing wound down and Marella settled herself across from Fitz at the table, saying, “I need your advice.”

Fitz wasn’t sure what he was expecting Marella to have come over for. It certainly wasn’t _this_. Especially since she had been surprised to see Sophie. It meant she had come over specifically looking for advice from him.

Now, don’t get him wrong, Marella was definitely one of his best friends.  They had gone through hell together and Fitz genuinely enjoyed her company.  She was on the list of people he would do anything for.  That being said, he would be lying if he said that if something were to happen in her life he would expect himself to be one of the first people she called.

They were good friends, but admittedly, both were closer to other people in their friend group than each other.  Marella was extremely close to Linh and by extension Tam (since it was difficult to spend extensive time with one twin without also spending a lot of time with the other).  She had also repaired her friendships with Sophie and Biana, and was even relatively close to Dex.

Fitz and Marella were definitely friends. They just didn’t spend a lot of time one-on-one – which made it all the more surprising she had sought him out for...whatever this was.

“Sure,” he replied.

Sophie hummed beside him and transmitted _, “It is unusual she’s come to you, isn’t it?”_

_“Eavesdropping,”_ he admonished her.

Sophie sniffed in reply, _“I didn’t need too! That was all over your face!”_

He rolled his eyes at her.

“Are you two quite done?” Marella asked pointedly.

“Yes,” Fitz replied, firmly putting up a block around his mind, just to make a point to Sophie.

“I know what you’re thinking,” Marella continued. “That it’s strange I’m asking you–”

“See?” Sophie muttered, cutting her off. “It’s written all over your face!”

Both he and Marella gave her pointed looks and she grumbled, but lapsed into silence all the same.

“No offence meant,” he hurriedly assured Marella. “I just think there are people who would be higher on your list.”

Marella nodded in reply. “For most things, yes. But in this case I know what they’re going to say, and I want a different perspective.”

Fitz nodded himself, though he was unsure what different perspective he brought to whatever this was.

“I’ll do my best, I guess,” he grinned at her a little.

“Good. I just need you to logic me a little.”

He couldn’t resist trading a glance with Sophie at that odd statement. Marella sighed as they did, “Yes, I am aware of how that sounded.”

He bit back a smile and deliberately looked away from Sophie to avoid laughing. “Logic. Right. I can do that. Probably.”

Sophie snorted. He elbowed her in response.

“Right,” Marella said, cutting off any further antics from them, “I got a job offer.”

Sophie perked up. “To where?!?” she demanded.

“To be a mentor in the elite levels at Foxfire,” Marella replied, looking strangely unsure.

“Wow!” Sophie gushed. “That’s amazing! Marella, I’m so happy for you! This is great news!”

“See,” Marella cut her off, “I knew she’s react like that.”

Fitz smiled at Sophie’s enthusiasm. “I’m sorry, I’m not sure my reaction is much different. I think it’s great too. What, exactly, do you need advice on?”

Marella frowned slightly, looking down at the table. “It’s not that long ago Pyrokinetics were completely banned. And now they want me teaching it?”

“Not necessarily teaching Pyrokinetics,” Fitz replied thoughtfully. “But, I mean, look at what happened when you and Linh started working together. You both improved hugely. Fire and water are opposite elements, but you still had a lot to teach each other.  You could be just as much help to students learning to control other elements as you could be to Pyrokinetics.”

“I guess that’s true,” Marella admitted, “but it still feels like the Council must have ulterior motives for this.”

“I don’t doubt they have a great many motives for this,” Fitz replied. “That’s not necessarily a bad thing, though.”

Marella’s frown deepened. “You don’t think the Council using me is a bad thing?”

Fitz shrugged. “My entire job is basically the Council using me. You’ll forgive me if the prospect of them using other people as well doesn’t exactly horrify me.”

He smiled, so she would know he didn’t mean any harm by his statements. “I think it mostly just boils down to what they’re using you for.”

“So what would you, since you probably know them best these days, think they’d be using me for?” she asked, toying with a braid in her hair.

Fitz took a minute to gather his thoughts, staring absently at his ceiling as he did so. The girls waited quietly, expectantly, for his answer.  He frowned, feeling a bit uneasy.  He hated feeling like his words were balancing on a precipice, that what he said in the next few minutes could change the course of his friends’ lives.  He never felt completely up to the task. It always worried him that he might inadvertently make things worse for them. Still, Marella was waiting for an answer and it would be rude not to give her one.

“Firstly, no doubt there is a PR angle to this.” He returned his gaze to Marella, who was still frowning and chewing her lip. “Pyrokinetics have done a lot of harm to our society as a whole recently.”

Marella raised an eyebrow at him. Sophie coughed what sounded like something rude under her breath. Fitz grinned wryly at them.  That had, admittedly, been an understatement.

“So people are wary of you,” he continued. “The public perception of Pyrokinesis and Pyrokinetics themselves needs to undergo a shift.  The Council’s goal since the war has been to improve our society and not make the same mistakes. To do that, they need to show that you and your abilities are not inherently dangerous. That just because there were some wackos that could control fire, doesn’t mean that everyone who controls fire is a wacko.”

Marella snorted. “So they’re going to put me in front of the public’s precious children?”

She shook her head, continuing sarcastically, “That’s a great way to build their confidence in me. Make them scared I’m going to burn up their children in a fit of rage!”

Fitz smirked, amused. “It’s actually the best way to build confidence in you.”

Both girls gaped at him in disbelief.

“Well,” he said, “think about it. You’re going to be in contact with their kids daily. Sure, there will be push back at the beginning, but eventually you’re going to be just another mentor.  The kids will see you day in and day out, and nothing is going to happen to them. Parents will relax, forget they are supposed to be up in arms, and time will pass. Soon enough, you’ll have been there for years with no incident and people will realize you aren’t out of control and the first step to acceptance will be done.”

“What if there _is_ an incident?” Marella protested. “What if I get annoyed with them being brats and lose control?”

Fitz snorted, smiling wryly again. “You can put up with Keefe at his worst without losing control. How hard can a gaggle of teenagers be?”

She smiled hesitantly back, and he went on. “Seriously, Marella, you’ve got excellent control. You’ll be fine.  The Councillors wouldn’t be considering this if they thought there was much chance of any incidents arising.  They aren’t completely stupid.  They don’t need anymore bad PR.”

“All right, so this is to show the world that I’m not out of control.” She tucked her blond hair back behind her ears, after a moment adding, “I don’t think I’d make a very good teacher though. I haven’t got the patience for it.”

Fitz shrugged one shoulder. “If we were talking the lower levels of Foxfire I might agree with you. But you said they wanted you to mentor the elite levels, didn’t you?”

Marella nodded. “What difference does it make, though?”

“A whole lot of difference,” Fitz replied. “Prodigies in the elite levels aren’t really considered _children_ anymore.  They are held to more exacting standards than the lower seven levels. A prodigy who first manifests an ability may need to be coddled a bit. No one wants anyone to be scared of their powers. But once they get to the elite levels, the time for coddling is over.  Their control must be absolute.  A mentor who has less patience for bullshit is probably a good thing. Besides, most people that age don’t want to be treated like kids anymore.  They want to be treated like they’re an adult.  The kid gloves can come off.”

Sophie shifted and gave him a teasing grin, leaning over to stage-whisper to Marella, “I love how he talks about this like he has any idea what the elite levels are like.”

Fitz gave her a mock-annoyed look. “I have plenty of idea what they’re like.”

“Sure,” she replied, drawing out the word slightly mockingly, “Mr. I-Skipped-All-That-And-Just-Graduated.”

He rolled his eyes and elbowed her again. Sophie elbowed him back, so he reached over to tickle her side, where she was most vulnerable. Sophie shrieked and dodged away, smacking at his hand as she went.

Marella cleared her throat and they both paused to glance at her.  She was sitting with her hands folded, very prim and proper, on the table in front of her, staring up at the ceiling with an expression of extreme patience on her face.

Fitz grinned, a little guiltily. “Sorry,” he said meekly.

“So they’re doing this because I’ll only have access to the sort-of-adults,” Marella queried, trying to get them back on track.

“I think they’re probably restricting you to the elite levels in order to quell some of the inevitable outrage that your being a mentor will cause.  You’re not going to be teaching the children, but almost adults,” he replied, nodding.

Sophie sighed in exasperation. “You just spent five minutes explaining that this was a PR stunt to make people aware she’s not crazy and now it’s going to be met with outrage? Make up your mind, Fitz.”

“Nothing I just said contradicts anything I said before,” he said, giving Sophie a half-hearted glare. “I can’t help if you weren’t listening properly.”

Sophie opened her mouth to retort, looking mildly outraged, but Marella cut her off. “Can we stay on topic please?”

Sophie subsided with a weak grin. “Sorry.”

“Anyway,” Fitz continued, “I suspect after a few years, they will gradually move you out of _just_ the elite levels into teaching some of the lower levels too. By then, you’ll have been mentoring a few years and they can do it quietly.  Then if anyone calls them out on it, they can point out that you’ve been a mentor for years and they’re just expanding your responsibilities.”

“I’m still not sure I want to be mentoring any of the younger kids,” Marella replied.  She sounded annoyed, like they were wanting her to do it that very second instead of in the hypothetical future.

Fitz shrugged in reply. “So say no when they ask you to. It’s not like they can really force you.”

He ran a hand through his bangs before continuing, “Besides, I doubt you’ll ever have to teach the super young ones.  There would be little reason for you to teach anyone who hasn’t manifested an elemental ability. And most elves don’t manifest until they’re fourteen or fifteen, or even sixteen.”

“Says Mr. I-Manifested-At-Thirteen,” Sophie stated archly.

“You have _very_ little room to talk, Ms. Manifested-At-Five!” he countered, just as archly.

“Don’t start!” Marella cut in. “Honestly, just talking with you two seems like excellent practice for dealing with children.”

Fitz grinned again, unrepentant. “Glad to be of service!”

Sophie snickered, before leaning forward and propping her chin on her hand. “So, have we convinced you to accept the job yet?”

“What’s this ‘we’ about?” Fitz grumbled. “I’ve been doing all the talking!”

Sophie grinned at him. “We’re Cognates!” she replied. “That means I get partial credit for everything you do!”

Fitz rolled his eyes at her. “That is _not_ how that works.”

Sophie was grinning at him, eyes dancing with laughter.  And he was, admittedly, having a difficult time not smiling back.  She was being ridiculous.

Marella gave a long-suffering sigh and both he and Sophie sat back guiltily in their chairs.

“Right.” Fitz cleared his throat. “Think you’re going to go for it?”

Marella sighed again, looking a little lost.  She shifted and raised a hand to be level with her face.  She stared at it a moment, like she wasn’t sure what she was doing, before fire leapt suddenly into existence, hovering above her fingertips.

It was a testament to how much both Fitz and Sophie trusted her, after all the pain that had been caused them by the only other two Pyrokinetics they had known, that neither so much as flinched at this sudden display of power.

It was a long moment before Marella spoke again.

 “Should this even be taught?” she asked quietly. “It’s caused so much pain to so many people.”

Fitz glanced at Sophie, who looked stricken, and Fitz didn’t need to be able to read her mind to know that she agreed. To a point, of course, but agreed nonetheless.

Fitz, however, didn’t agree. At all.

“I don’t think it’s caused anybody any pain,” he said, just as quietly as Marella.

The fire hovering above Marella’s hand extinguished abruptly as she stared at Fitz in shock. Sophie’s head had also whipped around to stare at him, but Fitz was focused on Marella, meeting her eyes without flinching.

Marella’s expression slowly shifted from shock, to disbelief, finally into anger. She stood abruptly, expression getting more furious. “I know what happened as well as anyone! Don’t you dare patronize me, Fitz Vacker!  I know the damage that was done. Fintan and Brant were–”

“Fintan and Brant!” Fitz said forcibly, but not angrily, cutting her off.  She stopped ranting and resumed staring at him, still angry.  Sophie was a statue at his side, waiting to see how this played out.  He could feel her thoughts just out of reach and knew that she, too, was offended by what he had said.  He meant it, though, and as much pain as Sophie had been through at the hands of Brant and Fintan, he still directed his words to Marella. She needed to hear them more.

“Fintan and Brant,” he resumed in a quieter voice, “were two awful people. And they used their Pyrokinetic powers to do a great many horrible things and hurt a huge number of people. But the blame for that lays squarely at their feet. Pyrokinesis was a tool they used.  They could have used a great many different things to cause just as much harm.  _They_ are to blame for their actions, not the ability they used to accomplish them.”

He kept his voice firm, yet quiet. Marella, still staring, though less angrily, slowly sat back down.  She still didn’t speak. Sophie, too, was silent and still.

So he continued, “Fintan and Brant might just be the greatest reason I can give that you should take this job.”

Marella scoffed in reply, but she sounded unsure. Fitz had her full attention.  He swallowed, nervous.  What he was about to say was something he had thought since he had first learned of Brant and Fintan’s stories back when he was a teenager.  He had never shared those thoughts though, had never put them into words.

He was unsure how someone like Sophie, who had been so hurt by those two men, would take his opinion.  And he hadn’t wanted to offend anybody or get into an argument. So he had stayed quiet. But the more he learned over the course of his life and his job, the more strongly he felt about it.  The more he felt he was right.

In order to do his job as an emissary properly, particularly one who was tasked with outreach to the other intelligent races, Fitz had done a _lot_ of research. He had felt it important to have a thorough understanding of each official interaction his people had had with members of the other intelligent races.  He had therefore researched _every_ meeting, _every_ treaty signing, _every_ minor official interaction the elves had had with the other races.

He had come to the conclusion, through a lot of discussion with many different members of the other races, that it was often not necessarily what was _said_ that they had problem with, but often _how_ it was said.  He had learned that his tone and way of communication needed to differ depending on which race he was speaking to.  They each had different ways of showing respect.  And different ways of showing disrespect.

So in his notes, he had to mention not only what was said at meeting, but how it was said and by whom.  It also meant that he had had to research his own Councillors thoroughly. Not just the ones who were currently active, but all the past ones as well.  He needed to know who they were, what they were like, how they talked, how they treated people they respected and how they treated those they didn’t.  So he had a great deal of knowledge about the elven Council, including Fintan.

He cleared his throat, steeled his nerves, and started. “Fintan, from everything I can find out, was not actually a bad person when he served on the Council.”

Sophie made a strangled noise of disbelief, but Fitz hurried on before she could interrupt him. If he was finally going to share his thoughts on this, then he wanted to share all of them.  He didn’t want his point being misrepresented.

“Hear me out,” he said. “I’m not done yet.”

Sophie gave a stiff nod and Fitz returned his attention to Marella. He hadn’t forgotten he was supposed to be speaking to her.

“Most people labelled him as a decent Councillor.  The one bad thing they had to say about him was that he was a bit too attracted to power.  It wasn’t really recognized as a problem, as after all, he was in basically the most powerful position he could be as a Councillor.

“Everyone seemed to agree he did his job well and looked out for the interests of the elves.  He’s less well thought of outside the elves, though none of the other members of the intelligent races thought he was capable of the crimes he later committed, either.”

Fitz shifted in his chair. It was a little unnerving to be the sole focus of not just Marella but Sophie as well.  Both girls were eerily silent.  He _really_ hoped he could explain himself properly here.

_Oh well_ , he thought. _You started; nothing left to do but continue_.

“The problem seems to have started after the accident with Fintan’s students, where several of them died.  His actions that day were mostly put down to his need for power. Thinking you can control something like Everblaze takes a certain amount of arrogance and desire to be more than anyone else.

“I do believe he felt, if not remorseful, genuinely upset about what had happened. And I do believe that he wasn’t lying when he told the Councillors that he really did initially agree that Pyrokinetics should be banned.”

Fitz cleared his throat again, wishing he had thought to grab something to drink before starting this little speech. His nerves weren’t helping either.

“So the thing that seems to have pushed him over the edge from being a power-hungry, arrogant man, to a crazed, power-hungry, out-of-control lunatic, was denying himself his power.”

Marella frowned like she was about to say something and Fitz barrelled onwards, not wanting to be interrupted just yet.

“Think about it. He even said it himself. He agreed with the ban until he actually learned what following the ban felt like.  The power in him grew and grew and his desire for it grew and grew. And since it was illegal for him to indulge in it, he turned to secretive sources as his outlet.

“It was the start of the journey that led him to being the man that we met. The one that helped run the Neverseen.”

Fitz was on a roll now. “Brant’s story is really even worse, when you think about it. How different life might be if the ability he manifested _hadn’t_ been forbidden. If he hadn’t been forced to hide what he was.”

“Brant’s downfall was that he couldn’t be accepted as he was.  He was only worthy of being with Jolie if he manifested, but what he did manifest as was even worse.  He was illegal just by existing.”

Fitz shot a sympathetic gaze at Marella. “You know what he must have felt, even better than any of us. After all, you were in the same boat as him.”

Marella pressed her lips together, face white.  She seemed unable to answer him, so Fitz continued. “I’m not a Pyrokinetic, but I _am_ talented. And I know that being a Telepath is part of who I am. I cannot imagine what denying that part of myself would feel like. I honestly do think that it would be impossible.  And if it’s impossible for me, then why should it be possible for someone with a different ability?

“I don’t think Brant started off as a bad person. I don’t think Jolie, with everything I know about her, could fall in love with someone who was inherently a monster.  I think, by the end – when we met him – he was definitely deep into monster territory.  But I don’t think he started out that way.

“So really the one connection that really exists between Fintan and Brant, deeper than the fact that they both had the same ability, was that they were forced to deny a large portion of themselves.  And I think that made all the difference.”

He raised he eyes to lock on Marella’s.  This was the point he truly wanted to make, what he needed her to understand.  So he finished, keeping his gaze locked on hers, “So Fintan and Brant are the best reason I can give you to take this job. Because things need to change.  Pyrokinesis may be a dangerous ability, no argument here. And it may be a rare ability. But there are going to be elves in the future that have that ability, and those elves need to be taught how to use it, _safely_.  It has been proven, in the worst way possible, that just telling them not to use their ability, to deny a portion of themselves, _will not work_.  So they need to be taught. And they need to be guided to respect, but not fear, the power they have been given.”

“I think,” he finished quietly, “that’s the best chance we may have at preventing there from ever being another Brant or Fintan.”

The house was dead silent. Both girls were staring at him, wide-eyed.  All Fitz could hear was the three of them breathing and his own heartbeat, thundering with anxiety.  The silence stretched and stretched, until Fitz couldn’t take it anymore.

He clenched his fists in his lap and dropped his gaze to the table in front of him where his finished dinner plate still sat. He cleared his throat and weakly asked, “Is that enough logic for you?”

Thankfully, Marella huffed out something that could possibly be classified as a laugh.

“Uh, I, um...” She gave another huffed, sort-of laugh noise, but cleared her own throat and started over. “Yeah, I think that’s enough.”

She put her hands on the table and stood up again. Fitz warily raised his eyes to meet hers. She smiled slightly at him and he relaxed a little.

“I think I need some time to process before I make a decision.” Marella paused, fiddling with the edge of her shirt in an uncharacteristically nervous way, before smiling a little shyly at him again. “But thank you, Fitz. Really.”

He smiled back. “Anytime.”

He stood himself, stepping around the table so he could give Marella a hug, which she returned. “And you should take all the time you need. It’s a big decision.”

Marella nodded. “I’m going to head home now.” She turned back towards the door, calling, “Bye Sophie!”

“Bye!” Sophie called back. “Tell us when you make a decision!”

“I will!” Marella promised as she turned to wave one last time before heading out the door and light leaping away.

Fitz stood there a beat, silence once more enveloping the room. Unsure of what else to do, he turned and began gathering his and Sophie’s used dinner dishes, taking them into the kitchen to be washed.  Once that was done, he dried his hands and began to pour himself a glass of juice (he was mildly parched from all that talking).

Deciding to be a good host, even if he wasn’t really sure Sophie really counted as a guest these days, considering she practically lived there, he asked, “Do you want a glass?”

She didn’t reply.

“Sophie?” he questioned, turning back to face her.

She was sitting at the table still, her chinned propped back up on her fist, staring at him with an unnerving intensity.

“What?” he asked nervously.

She cocked her head at him and still didn’t reply.

“ _What_?” he insisted.

She squinted at him before he felt a distinct mental prod. He rolled his eyes and dropped the mental shield he’d placed around his mind earlier. “ _You could just talk like a normal person_.”

He decided to forgo pouring her a drink too. If she wanted one, she could get one herself. It wasn’t like she hadn’t helped herself to his food supply in the past. He wandered back and chose to sit across from Sophie this time. He leaned forward, propped his own chin on his hand, mirroring her posture in a mild attempt to annoy her.

_“You going to tell me why you’re staring yet?”_

_“I think,”_ she replied, _“that I can honestly say that, as your Cognate, I know you better than anyone else.”_

Fitz blinked, caught off guard. _“Probably,”_ he transmitted.

_“And yet,”_ Sophie mused, _“you still manage to surprise me.”_

Fitz decided to take that as a compliment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually a beta'd chapter! Someone went through and got rid of my mistakes! You should rejoice!
> 
> And you didn't even have to wait 3 months to get it.
> 
> Bit longer to make up for the extra short chapter last time too.
> 
> Next Chapter: Fitz finally has to do something about Alvar. He isn't pleased.


	8. The End of One Chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fitz finally has to do something about Alvar. It's not at all an easy thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning:
> 
> Character death (I'm not sure I'd call him a main character, but still....)
> 
> Brief mention of miscarriage (doesn't actually happen, one character just thinks it might at one point)

His week had started off great.  It was rapidly going downhill, but it had started really well.  Fitz had had dinner with his parents and his sister early on, and it had put him in a good mood for the rest of the week.

Admittedly, one of the reasons said dinner had been so nice was that Biana’s new boyfriend, Pellam, hadn’t attended.   Fitz was honestly unsure _what_ it was about Pellam that he had an issue with; all he really knew was that there was something about him that really rubbed Fitz the wrong way.

He seemed nice enough, and he was certainly treating Biana properly.  He hadn’t been rude or offensive - had in fact always been perfectly polite and friendly in his interactions with Fitz.  Maybe it was that the guy seemed to be everywhere all of a sudden.  None of the other partners of his friends had immediately started inviting themselves along to every social outing they had.  Fitz was starting to feel like he didn’t see his own girlfriend as often as he saw Pellam.

Biana did seem very happy, though, and Fitz was desperately hoping he was just seeing trouble where none existed.

He had even gone as far to ask Sophie if she had any misgivings about Pellam.

“No,” she’d replied, puzzled. “He seems great for Biana. Why?”

So he had explained about the strange _wrongness_ he always felt around the guy, even though he couldn’t figure out a reason for it.  She had startled him by laughing.

“Oh Fitz!” she said when she had gotten her breath back. “He’s the first guy your little sister has fallen in love with. I don’t think you’re _supposed_ to like that!”

He really hoped that was all that was going on.  He could handle being an overprotective big brother - especially if he was being overprotective about nothing.

Still, he had been rather pleased when his parents had insisted this was to be a family-only dinner.  Biana had, of course, immediately protested that Pellam, as her boyfriend, should be considered family. Fitz had countered that nobody was insisting _his_ girlfriend be counted amongst their family, even though they had been dating for far longer.

“So?” Biana had replied. “Just because you’re all weird and ‘taking it slow’ doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be!”

This was a familiar argument, and Fitz had all his answers memorized.  He was unsure why so many people insisted he and Anise were doing dating ‘wrong’ by moving at a slower pace than those around them. He hadn’t even been aware before this that there really was a ‘wrong’ way to date (as long as both parties were happy and communicative, of course). Neither he nor Anise had any issue with the pace of their relationship.  Everyone else, however, was a different story.

Fitz was of the opinion that there was no need to rush, so why not slow down and enjoy each stage of the relationship as it came?  He never felt like he or Anise were purposefully holding back from advancing the relationship.  Things moved ahead at a natural - if slow - pace.  He didn’t see an issue. They weren’t humans, locked into a mere one hundred years on Earth.  They had all the time they needed, so why rush?

He couldn’t seem to convince anyone except Anise about that, though. And it was getting mildly annoying, having it thrown in his face constantly.

So he had begun to snap back when his father cut in.

“Children!”

He and Biana had paused and when Alden had their attention, he had continued, well-used to his children’s antics at this point in their lives.

“Your mother and I are truly thrilled you have found someone as wonderful as Pellam, but we have decided that this will be a dinner for _immediate_ family members only, which neither Anise nor Pellam will count as until you are married.  We have an announcement to make and wish for you two to hear it first.”

This mysterious ‘announcement’ had put a stop to any more bickering. Both he and Biana were too intrigued by what the news could be to bother with arguing.

This news, as it happened, was really why Fitz had been having such a great week.  It turned out his parents were expecting another child.

This wasn’t too unusual as far as elves went.  With their long life spans, many elven couples chose to wait years and even decades between children.  In fact, the relatively small age gap between him and Biana was probably more unusual than the long one between Biana and the Vacker-to-be.  But even _that_ wasn't really a hard and fast rule.

Most commonly, Elven couples chose to have only one child.  When they did choose to have more children, an age gap of at least five years was common, though no one really frowned if it was smaller.  His parents had raised more eyebrows with having a third child than with the small gap between him and Biana.

So his parents were probably going to raise a few _more_ eyebrows with baby number four on the way.  Fitz, however, was thrilled.  As far as he was concerned, his parents were the best ever to have existed – Alvar was an anomaly they couldn’t have prevented – and deserved to have as many children as they liked.

He had existed in a haze of good vibes since. Sophie had even commented on his good mood several times. He had insisted that it wasn’t his news to share; she’d just have to wait.  Every year since the end of the war, his parents had hosted an _aurenflare_ to celebrate their victory and to remember those they had lost along the way.  It was in a couple weeks, and his parents had decided they would announce their news to everyone else then.

His haze of good vibes, however, rapidly disintegrated when he was awoken in the middle of the night with an urgent message from Elwin. It simply read, _Come to Everglen – NOW_.

Miscarriages were incredibly rare in Elven society. So rare, in fact, that over the entire Elven history, there had only been a handful ever recorded. And all of them had had extenuating circumstances. Fitz couldn’t think of an _extenuating circumstance_ that might have caused his mother to have one. He also couldn’t think of any other reason he would be urgently summoned by a healer in the middle of the night to his childhood home so soon after Della had become pregnant.

He rolled immediately out of bed, scrambling to throw on the nearest items of clothing (with no care to whether or not they actually matched) before hurrying down the stairs and out the front door.  He took a brief moment then to try to quell the nervous knot of fear and anxiety crawling in his belly – it was a terrible idea to try light leaping when distracted, and his parents more than likely had enough to worry about without him fading too.

A moment later he was standing in front of the gates to Everglen. He hurried forward to enter, and as he did so, Biana materialized behind him.  Another bad sign; they had called Biana too.  He waited a brief moment for her to catch up. Even in the darkness, he could see that her face was unusually pale, and her eyes were wide with fright. She took his hand when she reached him and they continued together, hurrying up the path to the main door.

“What’s going on?” Biana whispered as they entered.

Fitz shook his head helplessly. “No idea,” he admitted, squeezing her hand as reassuringly as he could.

They had barely managed to take a couple steps into the main entrance when hurried footsteps approached. Livvy appeared from around the corner, her face grave.  Her expression twisted into something Fitz couldn’t read when she saw them standing there.

The anxiety in his gut kicked into overdrive upon seeing her. _Nothing_ good could come of two healers being at his parent’s house in the middle of the night. Biana’s hand was clenched so tight on his that he thought he might have bruises by the time the night was over -- not that his grip was really any more gentle.

His nerves could take no more.

“Is Mom okay?” he demanded, voice cracking slightly with anxiety.

Livvy’s face shifted again, and still Fitz could not read it.

“She’s… resting.” Livvy said quietly. “She’s not why we called you here, though.”

Fitz traded glances with his sister, running his free hand through his hair. What did that mean? Was Della okay or not?

“We called you here because of Alvar,” Livvy continued softly. “He’s…”

She paused, searching for the right words, before giving up and sighing. “…He’s not right.”

This was a rather ambiguous statement, and Fitz traded another confused glance with Biana.  As far as he was concerned, his brother being ‘not right’ was _not_ a new development. Alvar had been ‘not right’ since the day he had decided to join the Neverseen and betray everything his family stood for.

Somehow, he doubted that was what Livvy was talking about.

Fitz looked at his sister again. Biana gave him a slight shrug, chewing on her lip nervously. He sighed before heading in the direction of the high-security rooms that had been added to Everglen when his brother had been brought back home.  Livvy fell into step with them as they passed her.

“Not right _how_?” he asked her, not caring if he came across as rude at that moment. Anything to do with Alvar always tried his patience like nothing else. This was no exception.

When his parents had announced that they were bringing Alvar home after he failed to regain any of his memories, Fitz had held many misgivings. His parents were adults, though – adults who could make their own decisions, and so Fitz had not protested this decision. 

He had come to regret that very much.

Alden’s mind had fractured once before, and there were many times since then that Fitz had worried his father was one piece of bad news away from fracturing for good.  Alvar’s presence in their home was a constant source of stress for his parents.  Even with no memories, he still seemed to blame them for every bad thing that had ever happened to him.

Fitz had spent many a night at Everglen picking up the pieces of Alvar’s messes.  He was prone to fits of rage in which he destroyed everything within sight.  He tended to prefer screaming and yelling at Alden and Della to having any sort of normal conversation with them.  There were days when he would refuse to eat or drink and could get violent if pushed.

When things got particularly bad, Fitz would be called in to set things right as best he could. For whatever reason, half the time the mere sight of Fitz would cause Alvar to stop whatever rampage he happened to be on.  The other half? Well, Fitz had no problem letting Woltzer hold him down while Fitz poured a sedative down his throat.

He didn’t know why his brother reacted so strangely to him and _only_ him.  Maybe it was just that he realized Fitz didn’t care. He didn’t want to talk it out, didn’t want to know how Alvar was doing, or if he could do something to help.  He just wanted the problem dealt with so he could go back to pretending he didn’t have an older brother.

Fitz realized that this could probably be seen as cold by a lot of people, especially since Alvar had no memory of the atrocities he had committed. But Fitz didn’t care about that either. As far as he was concerned, his brother had died decades ago, the moment he had decided to join the Neverseen.  He had mourned the brother he had known, although a large part of him wondered if that brother had ever truly been real. Nonetheless, Fitz had moved on, and the man living in Everglen bore no resemblance to his brother.

And after his brother had been dealt with, Fitz would have to spend a few hours comforting his parents.  He had started begging them to do something – _anything_ – else with Alvar. This situation clearly wasn’t working.  But they insisted that they had to do what was right for their eldest, even if Fitz was afraid it was killing them. It was a frustrating situation that felt like it was slowly spiraling out of control.

 _Like so many other things in my life right now,_ Fitz thought, grimacing, trying not to let grim thoughts -- of whatever was happening with Sophie and Keefe; of his job, where none of the races were particularly satisfied with the current treaties even after all his hard work; of the fact that nothing had been done about the humans _still;_ of the fact that the Collective wanted them to start pushing harder for change; of the million other worries he seemed to have -- take over.

 _One crisis at a time_ , Fitz told himself firmly.  It was honestly an internal mantra for him at this point. _Focus on what’s in front of you, leave the rest till later._

Fitz had been called in the middle of the night to deal with Alvar before. Those messages tended to come from his parents, though - no point in calling Elwin or Livvy first, as they couldn’t do anything. And Biana was never called; Alvar tended to react as badly to her as to their parents.  So this situation was clearly _not_ a normal Alvar freak-out.

“He’s…” Livvy paused again, searching for the right word, “unresponsive.”

Fitz snorted. “ _Please_ don’t tell me you called us here in the middle of the night because he’s gone on another one of his hunger strikes.”

“No,” Livvy shook her head. “This is different. It’s like he can’t even hear us.”

“Like when he was sedated?” Biana asked. Fitz was glad he wasn’t the only one finding Livvy’s statements less than helpful.

“No,” Livvy shook her head again helplessly. “He’s physically awake, but he’s completely unresponsive to all stimuli.”

“What does that mean, though?” Fitz asked, frustrated.

Livvy sighed. “Best you see for yourself, before we start talking about what we think is wrong with him.”

Fitz sighed himself, but didn’t argue. They were nearly there anyway.

Alvar had been given his own extremely secure suite of rooms.  One of the conditions of his release into his parents’ care had been that Alvar never be allowed to leave this suite of rooms.  His parents had gone out of their way to make the area feel homey and nice, but it was still technically a prison.

Sometimes when Fitz was called in to deal with Alvar and sedation was not necessary, Alvar could be surprisingly chatty. Mostly he complained about his circumstances. He was trapped, he was bored, there was nowhere to go and nothing to do.

Fitz had been entirely unsympathetic.

Alvar had done a great many unspeakable things, and Fitz didn’t see why he should feel sorry that Alvar was being forced to reap some of the consequences of those decisions.  Truth be told, he had probably gotten off lightly on account of the amnesia.  The Council would have been well within the bounds of their laws to have ordered a memory break on Alvar and shipped him off to Exile.

Instead, he got a cushy set of rooms. His meals were hand-cooked and provided in a timely fashion. His parents bought him all sorts of books and other things with which he could entertain himself. Sure, it couldn’t compare to freedom, but no one had forgotten that Alvar was a criminal. And criminals belonged in prison. Even if that prison was comfy.

He and Biana entered Alvar’s rooms together. The main room consisted of a sitting room with a dining area, and there were three smaller rooms attached. The first was a bathroom. The second was a study, fully stocked with plenty of books and other forms of entertainment.  The third was a bedroom, and it was this room that they headed for.

Alvar was seated on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest and gently rocking. Elwin was sitting in a chair by the bedside, looking frustrated.  Fitz was so busy studying his brother that he missed Elwin and Livvy exchanging nods and Livvy quietly slipping back out of the room.

Biana let go of his hand and hesitantly approached the bed. “Alvar?” she questioned softly.

There was no response.

Fitz stepped up beside her. “Alvar!” he said as forcefully as he could. Still nothing. He then leaned forward and grabbed his brother’s shoulder, giving him a firm shake. “Alvar!”

Nothing.

Still holding Alvar’s shoulder with one hand, he raised the other to wave it in front of his brother’s face. When that still didn’t elicit a response, he snapped his fingers a couple times right in front of Alvar’s nose. That too had no effect.

Fitz glanced at Elwin with his eyebrows raised. The other man sighed and shook his head.

 “Nothing works,” he admitted. “We’ve tried everything. I had wondered if he might respond to you, since he always did seem to react differently when you were around. But honestly, I’m not surprised it didn’t work.”

“So,” Biana said, turning her back on their brother and facing Elwin completely. “What’s wrong with him?”

“My best guess?” Elwin asked. “His mind is broken.”

Fitz and Biana traded astonished glances.

“He’s not acting anything like Dad was when he…” Biana trailed off, and Fitz felt a twinge of fear in his gut. Even decades afterwards, that entire incident left a sour taste in his mouth. His world had shattered with his father’s mind. And even though Sophie had managed to save him, things had never quite been the same since.

“It’s different for everybody,” Elwin said softly. “No two elves react the same way.”

Fitz turned to look at Alvar again, frowning in concentration. “But how?” he asked. “No one has access to him to perform a mind break.”

Elwin shrugged. “Guilt? It’s our biggest weakness.”

“But guilt about what?” Biana asked, just as confused as Fitz. “I mean, he can’t remember anything.”

“Maybe he remembered something?” Another shrug, and then Elwin reached to the side and picked up a scroll Fitz hadn’t noticed before. “This might help clear something up. He was clutching it when Alden found him.”

He leaned over to hand it to Fitz. He took it, pushing aside renewed worries about his father. _One problem at a time_ , he repeated to himself.  Biana stepped closer to him as Fitz turned the scroll over. He could see that it had his name written on it in his brother’s perfect handwriting.

Fitz grimaced and once more ran his free hand through his hair. He honestly had no desire to read it.

 _But answers would be good_ , he reminded himself. So, with a sigh, he popped the seal and began to read.

 

_Fitz,_

_I know you’re surprised that I’m writing this to you. Perhaps I have earned that._

_My mind often feels like a trap. Hazy memories float through it, never becoming concrete. I spend most of my days attempting to remember who I am, what I am. I can recall only snippets of my life. Small moments that amount to nothing._

_Mother came to me today. She told me some news and I remembered something. Perhaps the only true full memory I have managed to recall._

_She told me she was pregnant and I remember that this was not the first time she had made this particular announcement._

_I remember I was much younger. I remember I was happy. I remember her and Father talking so much about wanting a little girl that I was surprised when you were born and Father introduced me to my new baby brother._

_I remember you followed me around everywhere. I remember I taught you things. I remember that you came to me before Mother or Father when you scared or hurt. I remember that I was proud to be a big brother._

_I do not remember when I lost that._

_But I know that I did. I do not like you, Fitz; every time I see you I am filled with an unspeakable rage. A feeling of the unfairness of the world. I am filled with a deep bitterness._

_But it was not always that way. And I remember that now._

_I cannot regain what was lost.  I will never feel the way I did when you were first born._

_And I do not think I speak out of turn when I say I think the feeling is mutual._

_But right now, in this moment, I am sorry for that. I regret that we cannot be the brothers we once were._

_I do not remember why we are not, but I think it might be my own fault._

The letter ended abruptly there. Fitz stared at it for a moment, his mind a whirl of emotions. He was entirely unsure of how to take that. He had no idea what he was supposed to be feeling in this moment. No idea what to think. Biana was staring at him, looking faintly concerned. He didn’t know how to reassure her.

He was saved from having to react by the entrance of Bronte and Emery, followed discretely by Livvy. He blinked in surprise at that, as he hadn’t noticed that she had even left the room.

He gritted his teeth. _Pull it together_ , he told himself.

“We came as soon as we got your message,” Emery said to Elwin as they entered. “What’s the situation?”

Elwin quickly filled them in on what they knew. When he was done, they all turned to Fitz to hear what the letter held. Fitz chewed his lip a moment, trying to figure out how to best summarize while not having to talk about his emotions regarding it.

“Mom told him she was pregnant,” he finally started, aware he could not delay too long.

“Della is pregnant?” Bronte interrupted in surprise. Emery, too, turned towards Fitz in shock.

Fitz reluctantly nodded. He felt like he was stealing something from his parents. He realized that was ridiculous, but it was their news to share, not his. Still, the Councillors needed to know the situation, and Fitz couldn’t accurately inform them without them knowing.

“We just found out,” Biana said softly. “She’s not very far along.”

“She asked for a sedative when she saw Alvar’s condition,” Livvy supplied.

“Is that safe?” Fitz asked alarmed.

Elwin smiled tiredly at him. “I wouldn’t recommend them often to a pregnant patient. But she required only a mild dose. It’ll be fine, this once.”

Livvy nodded in agreement. “Truthfully, it’s probably best that she be resting right now. She’d probably be in more danger if she were awake and fretting herself to death.”

“Is Dad with her?” Biana asked. She was tugging on the ends of her braid. Fitz wasn’t sure he had ever seen his sister looking so distressed. He wished he could make it better, but he really had no idea what to say. He pushed away the sense of failure that brought him.

Livvy shook her head in response to Biana’s question. “He decided to wait in his study for any news. It was too painful to wait here.”

Fitz felt another flash of anger towards Alvar. Why couldn’t his brother have been less selfish? His actions were _still_ putting Della, Alden, and their sibling in danger. He forced himself to tamp down on the anger, aware that now was really not the time.

“Anyway,” he continued, trying to distract himself, “I guess that triggered a memory from before he became the world’s biggest asshole and he realized that he felt differently about things back then. And maybe he couldn’t figure out how he had got from there to here and it made him… regret things. A bit.”

Biana gave him a wide-eyed look of faint disbelief. He shrugged uncomfortably in response.

“It’s basically what it says.”

He then shoved the scroll into a pocket, not wanting Biana to ask to read it. Truth be told, she and their parents probably had the right to read it, even if it was just addressed to him, but he wasn’t entirely sure that that was a good idea. It had fallen to him to ensure that their family made it through all these messes intact, and he wasn’t about to lose sight of that now.

“So a memory caused him to feel guilt and it broke his mind?” Bronte queried.

“It appears that way,” Elwin confirmed, smiling weakly. “Though a Telepath would have to confirm that it’s his mind that is the problem.”

Both Fitz and Emery were Telepaths, but Fitz wasn’t about to let the Councillor deal with his family’s mess. He stepped forward, raising his hands towards Alvar’s temples. Biana caught his arm, stopping him.

“Shouldn’t we call Sophie?” she asked, looking distressed. “Since she’s the only one who can safely enter a broken mind?”

“I only have to skim the surface of his thoughts in order to diagnose it,” Fitz replied firmly. “There’s no danger.”

Biana looked unconvinced. Fitz shook her off gently, and she obediently stepped back with a murmured “Be careful.”

He brought his hands back up to his brother’s temples and cautiously extended his mind towards Alvar’s. It took only a second for him to begin to feel the frenzied swirl of Alvar’s thoughts. There was no rhyme or reason left to them. He could feel his own mind beginning to get pulled down with Alvar’s and gave it a firm twist, breaking off the contact between them.

He let his hands drop and stepped back, shaking his head as he did so. “His mind is definitely gone,” he reported to the others.

Biana took a deep breath and let it out slowly in the silence that followed his announcement.

“Okay,” she said softly after a moment. “What now?”

Emery folded his arms across his chest, looking thoughtful. Fitz suspected that he and Bronte were discussing the situation mentally. Finally, Emery rubbed his forehead and glanced at Fitz.

“I think first we should contact Sophie. We need to figure out whether or not she thinks it’s possible to repair his mind.”

Shocked silence followed this proclamation.

“Is that really a good idea?” Biana questioned. Fitz was glad she sounded reasonably calm. He himself was wrestling with his temper.

 _Calm down_ , he told himself. _You say stupid shit when you’re angry. Do not say stupid shit in front of the Councillors._

“I have no idea,” Bronte confessed, and Fitz felt his anger cool a little. “That would take a lot more discussion and we would need the rest of the Council here before any decision is made. But before we go to all that trouble, we figure it might be best for Sophie to determine if it is, in fact, even possible. No point in waking everyone and discussing it if she can’t even heal him.”

Fitz had to admit that made sense. So he nodded at the Councillors, took a deep breath, and sent his mind out. It was easy to find Sophie -- always was. Her mind was like a magnet, and he could find it even if he wasn’t trying these days.

He was surprised to find that she was awake. It made his job a lot easier, though, as it was difficult to wake a sleeping person telepathically, especially from a distance. But Fitz also couldn’t think of a good reason for Sophie to be awake at this hour.

 _Please don’t let them be fighting again_ , he pleaded to the universe, fighting off a rising wave of anxiety. _I can’t take another crisis right now._

Fitz forced himself to take another deep breath and calm down, repeating his ‘one thing at a time’ mantra several times, before reaching out to her again. This time, he connected, giving a firm mental prod and adding a “ _Sophie!_ ” for good measure.

What he got in response was a feeling of someone gently, but firmly, putting a shield through the connection. This was their signal for, ‘Busy right now. Try later.’ It allowed them to maintain a sense of privacy from each other and made sure neither got any telepathic talks at an inappropriate time. They had agreed that they would ignore this signal _only_ if it was an emergency.

Fitz wasn’t one hundred percent sure that this situation really qualified as an emergency. He floundered for a moment, unsure whether or not to contact Sophie again. Technically, this could probably wait until morning. But he didn’t think his anxiety could let him last until morning - and there were his parents to think about. Getting this definitively finished, sooner rather than later, would probably be the best thing for all involved parties.

And he was struck with the sudden but undeniable _need_ to see her. The last half hour or so had been a roller coaster of emotions, and he couldn’t deny that he felt a little bit like he was drowning.  He had to hold it together; if _he_ didn’t, he wasn’t sure his parents or Biana would manage to. And he couldn’t shake the feeling that if Sophie was here, he might be able to catch his breath.

So, feeling guilty and vaguely uneasy, he tried again. “ _Sophie!_ ”

This time she responded, “ _What?_ ”

He was too far away from her to get a decent read on her emotional center, but there was no denying the anger and frustration in her mental voice.

 _Oh no_ , he thought. _They_ were _fighting again_.

He swallowed against the renewed anxiety in his gut, feeling desperately overwhelmed, and responded, “ _I need your help.”_

 _“At this hour?”_ she questioned, sounding exasperated. _“What did you do now?”_

Fitz couldn’t figure out how to respond. He suddenly had no idea how to put into words the events of the night. He didn’t know where to even start, and he floundered in silence for a long moment. He ran his fingers through his hair, clenching his hands into fists at the back of his head.

 _“Fitz Vacker, I swear, if you’re calling me up at this hour to get me to read some Troll tome you’re stuck on…”_ That had, admittedly, happened before – only once! – but he knew if he didn’t stop her now, she was going to get too annoyed to listen to him.

So he cut in with the first thing that came to mind, even if it really explained nothing at all. _“It’s Alvar.”_

Sophie’s rant cut off abruptly, and when she answered him, her tone was much less annoyed and much more anxious.

_“What happened?”_

_“It’s…”_ Fitz felt a sudden stab of apology towards Livvy for his annoyance with her inability to find words earlier; he wasn’t really faring much better.

 _“Fitz?”_ Sophie asked, sounding worried.

 _“His mind is broken,”_ he finally answered, no idea what else to say.

 _“I’m on my way,”_ Sophie replied immediately, and the connection cut off.

“She’s on her way,” he announced to rest of the room. They all nodded and settled in to wait.

Biana stepped back up to his side. “You okay?” she asked in an undertone. “Your face went weird for a minute.”

Fitz nodded tiredly and took his sister’s hand again. “I’m fine.”

“Fitz,” she started again anxiously, “Mom and Dad-”

“Will be fine,” he cut in, flashing her his most reassuring smile and squeezing her hand. “We’ll all get through it.”

She smiled back, thankfully reassured. They stood together until Sophie arrived. Fitz was both relived and unnerved when Keefe appeared behind her. _One thing at a time,_ he reminded himself.

Sophie hurried over, glancing up at him anxiously when she reached him. He tried to give her his reassuring smile, as he had for Biana. He didn’t think it worked, though, as Sophie only looked _more_ worried. Keefe followed her over and gave Fitz’s shoulder a squeeze. Fitz wondered for a moment if that had been an attempt to comfort him or to get a better read on his emotions. It could be annoying, having an Empath for a best friend. There was really no way to tame the roiling emotions in his gut, though, so he decided to take the gesture at face value and shot Keefe a grateful look.

Keefe grinned in reply, though it looked a bit forced, and then swung an arm around Biana’s shoulders. With one more pat to Fitz’s shoulder, he guided Biana away across the room and out of the way.

“We just need you to examine him,” Bronte began, addressing Sophie. “Learn anything you can from him and let us know if healing him is a possibility.”

She nodded to him. “No problem.”

She reached up with one hand for Alvar’s temples and extended the other towards Fitz. He took it, twining their fingers together. It was strangely comforting to be holding her hand again.

 _“Be careful,”_ he told her silently.

 _“Impenetrable mind, remember?”_ she replied. _“I’ll be fine.”_

 _“Be careful anyway,”_ he pleaded. The last thing he needed right now was for something to happen to Sophie. He realized, of course, that the fear was a little ridiculous; Alvar was no danger to _her_. But he hadn’t trusted his brother for years, and he was feeling illogically fearful that this was all some complicated plan to hurt her. He knew it was a stupid fear, but it existed nonetheless.

 _“I’ll be careful,”_ she promised and then sent her mind into Alvar’s.

Fitz hated this part. He did not have an impenetrable mind, and was therefore was in danger of being damaged himself, so he was forced to support from the outside. He always felt totally helpless. He much preferred the times when he was able to enter a mind with her. Sure, sometimes things went batshit crazy, but at least he was there with her to help. Now all he could do was wait and send her small bursts of energy occasionally.

The seconds crawled by. Fitz focused on keeping his mind calm and alert. Several times, Sophie gave his hand a squeeze requesting a boost and he always obliged. Finally, after what felt like forever, she dropped her hand from Alvar’s temples and straightened. She did not release Fitz’s hand, and he was strangely grateful for that.

She took a moment to compose her thoughts before turning back towards Bronte and Emery. “There’s not a lot of him left, really. I tried talking to him, but he was barely coherent. He kept saying something about a baby and that he thought Fitz would ‘do a better job’.”

Sophie shot him a curious look at that. Their minds were still connected and they had very little shielding between them, so she caught the stray thought about the Vacker-to-be that slipped across his consciousness.

She looked startled. “Della’s pregnant?”

Keefe, across the room, perked up. “Really?!” he exclaimed. “Is that why you’ve been in such a good mood lately?”

Fitz nodded. “It was, yeah,” he admitted, rubbing his free hand tiredly through his hair.

“They were going to tell everybody at the _aurenflare_ ,” Biana added softly.

There was a beat of silence, before Emery cleared his throat. “Do you think it would be possible to heal him?” he asked Sophie.

Sophie tugged an eyelash out – she had never broken that habit – and shot Fitz an uncertain look. Finally she slowly shook her head, still looking at Fitz.

“I don’t think so, no. He doesn’t feel like any of the other elves I’ve looked at that have had their minds broken,” she continued. She still refused to look away from Fitz, and it was unnerving him.

“What do you mean?” Elwin asked.

Sophie frowned, tugged another eyelash out, and sighed. “It’s like, they weren’t really sane, or even all that aware, but they were still…I don’t know, holding on.

“Alden,” Sophie’s gaze turned sad, her voice hushed. Fitz wished she would look somewhere besides him. “And Prentice - they had their families. Fintan had his arrogance and dreams of domination. Something to keep them fighting.

“With Alvar, there’s nothing like that. He’s just…” she paused, looking for the word, “… _fading_.”

Fitz had to look away from her, then, unable to stand her gaze. He chose instead to check on Biana. She had curled herself into Keefe’s side and looked quite upset. He should go over and comfort her, he knew, and yet he couldn’t make his feet move.

Alvar broke the hushed silence that followed by slumping over unexpectedly onto his side. Elwin and Livvy jumped into action and Fitz released Sophie to help them lay him down on the bed.  The two healers began examining him, speaking in hushed voices. Medical terms and short forms flew right over Fitz’s head. There was nothing more he could do right then. He chose to get out of the way, retreating across the room to Biana.

When he reached her, he opened his arms, allowing her to burrow into them. They spent a minute like that, watching Alvar’s motionless form. Finally Biana turned her head away, burying her face in Fitz’s shoulder. He could feel her shaking slightly.

Biana had never really gotten over Alvar’s betrayal.  Fitz had dealt with it by declaring his brother dead and trying to move on with his life.  Biana had dealt with it by trying to find answers.  She could never understand why Alvar had betrayed them. Fitz had decided it didn’t matter; Alvar had turned his back on him, what did it matter what his reasons were? Biana had disagreed. She had spent many a free day with Alvar trying to work out what his reasoning had been. With the amnesia, though, she had gotten nowhere.

 _“It’ll be okay,”_ he said silently to her, wishing he believed it himself. This situation was rapidly moving away from ‘okay’. Fit knew he had to hold it together, though. Someone in his family needed to be coherent enough to make some decisions.

Finally, Elwin sat back with a heavy sigh, shaking his head. “I don’t think he’s going to last much longer.”

“What do you mean?” Keefe asked softly. “Is he…dying?”

“I think so,” Elwin replied, so quietly he was barely audible.

“How?” Sophie questioned. “There’s nothing physically wrong with him, right?”

“Not as far as we can tell,” Livvy answered, sounding tired.

“After Alden…” Elwin started, “…had his mind broken--”

He cut off abruptly, with a guilty glance at the Vacker siblings. Biana made a choked sound and burrowed deeper into Fitz’s shoulder. He tightened his grip on her, but nodded at the healer to continue.

Elwin nodded weakly back. “After it happened, I did a lot of research. Just…just in case.

“Eventually, once their mind is broken, an elf will just fade away.  How long it takes is entirely dependent on the elf in question. Most theorize it’s related to willpower: how much the elf in question wants to live. Some, like Prentice, can last years. Others…” His voice faded off and he glanced sadly at Alvar.

“Is there anything that can be done?” Bronte asked.

“Not to my knowledge, no,” Elwin replied. “Several healers have tried all sorts of things over the years, but none have ever been successful. It has been theorized that the only thing that could save them was the mind being made whole again, but even that is only a theory.”

Bronte turned to Sophie again, a mute question in his eyes.

Sophie tugged another eyelash out. “Like I said earlier, I’m not sure I can even heal him, but I’m certainly willing to try if you want me to.”

Bronte shared a long glance with Emery. Finally the Councillors nodded to each other and turned to Fitz.

“We have no preference in this matter; therefore, we will leave the decision up to the family.” Emery looked apologetic as he said it. Everyone here knew that they really meant it was up to Fitz. His mother was sedated, his father’s mind was too fragile, and Biana was already trembling like leaf in his arms.

His stood there for a long time, his mind racing. No single thought managed to hold his attention for long. _If Alvar was dying anyway, was choosing not to interfere the same as killing him? Would anyone truly be happy even if Alvar was saved? Would Alvar even_ want _to be saved? He’d made no secret of the fact that he hated his living circumstances. Which would be kinder, letting him go or trying to fix him?_

Biana stirred in his arms. She pulled back to look him in the eyes, and Fitz could see the distress in every line of her face. Strangely though, at the sight of his sister, a strange sense of calm descended on him.

“Fitz?” she asked, quiet and frightened.

“You should go and sit with Mom,” he said, ignoring the silent question. “She shouldn’t be alone when she wakes up.”

He could see the conflict in Biana’s eyes. She very much wanted to go and do that, to escape this room and all the decisions and burdens that came with it. But she didn’t want to leave Fitz to face this alone. It only solidified Fitz’s decision, though. Getting her out of here was the best thing for her.

“It’ll be okay,” he told her. “Mom needs one of us there, now more than ever. I’ll keep you updated.”

Biana swept her gaze around the room. Sophie gave her a weak smile when they locked eyes, and Keefe gave a firm nod. Finally her eyes settled on his again. She studied him a moment before giving in and whispering a shaky, “Okay.”

Fitz released her, relieved, and she stepped away. As she passed Sophie and Keefe, she gave both of them a significant look. They both nodded in reply. Fitz had a sinking suspicion he had just ended up with two shadows for the rest of the night, one of whom was an Empath, the other with a direct line to his brain. Both probably knew him better than anyone. He wasn’t sure if he liked how that added up.

When Biana had left, Fitz stepped back up beside the bed and gazed down at Alvar. His brother looked peaceful, and it struck Fitz that he hadn’t seen his brother this relaxed since before Sophie had come into their lives.

“How long do you think he has if we do nothing?” he asked the healers.

“Hard to say,” Elwin replied heavily. “Probably somewhere in the range of a few hours to a few days.”

“Personally,” Livvy added, “I think we’re looking at closer to the _few hours_ side of things.”

Elwin nodded at this. “I agree.”

Fitz took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then he did it again. And again. Finally, he nodded to himself and turned to face everyone else.

“Alvar’s life has not exactly been ideal these last few years. That’s entirely his own fault, but we still can’t say he’s had the best quality of life. It’s been long enough since the onset of his amnesia that I think we can safely say he’s not really going to get his memory back. Which means he’s always going to feel like he’s being unfairly punished, even when he’s not.”

Fitz touched his pocket lightly, where his brother’s last words lay written. “Even if this started due to a memory being triggered, and we say that maybe more could be triggered in the future, there’s a lot of risk associated with that. After all, if one memory managed to leave him this broken, what will more do to him? Even if Sophie is successful in repairing his mind, what’s to say it won’t be necessary for her to do the same thing next week if he remembers something else? How many times will we repair his mind before we say enough’s enough?”

Bronte studied him for a moment. “You’re saying you think we should let him go?”

Fitz swallowed around a suddenly very dry throat. “Yeah,” he managed. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying.”

Bronte slowly nodded. “Very well. I concur with your logic.”

The silence in the room was thick and heavy, but nobody protested. Finally Fitz managed to make himself turn away from Alvar and face Elwin.

“Can you make him as comfortable as possible?” he asked. “No point in making this harder than it needs to be. He’s done a lot of bad things…but he deserves as peaceful of a passing as we can managed.”

Elwin gave a short, jerky nod. “Of course,” he replied softly.

Fitz turned and faced Livvy before Elwin could say anything else. He was struck with the sudden need to get this done and over with as soon as he could.

“Can you go and check on Mom?” he asked her. “I would feel better knowing you were keeping an eye on her.”

“Sure.” Livvy turned to hurry out of the room.

She paused at the door. “Do you want me to tell Biana?” she asked hesitantly.

Fitz shook his head. “I’ll come and see them after I talk to Dad. She probably already guessed, though. I wouldn’t have made her leave the room otherwise.”

Livvy nodded sadly one last time and left.

Bronte stepped up beside Fitz and clasped his shoulder. “Emery and I will wait here, in case we are needed.”

Emery nodded in agreement. “I’ll contact you should the situation here change in any way. So you can focus on your parents.”

Fitz nodded gratefully at the Councillor and turned to leave.

“Wait!” Elwin called quickly, and Fitz paused, turning around again. The healer rummaged in his bag for a moment and came up with two vials. He held up the first to Fitz. “This one is a mild sedative, similar to what I gave your mother.”

Fitz took it and then Elwin handed him the other.

“And this one will numb the emotions, make everything feel less real. In case Alden needs them.”

Fitz took that one too, pocketing both.

“Call me if you need me,” Elwin continued. “There’s…not really a lot I can do here, to be honest. So if you feel Alden is in any danger, don’t hesitate.”

“I won’t,” Fitz promised, and left the room.

He made it out of Alvar’s suite and several feet down the hall before the emotions caught up to him. Had he just done the equivalent of _murdering_ his brother by choosing not even to _try_ saving him? What if his parents or Biana blamed him for Alvar’s inevitable death?

He swayed, suddenly caught in a wave of fear and anxiety. He put out a hand to the wall in an attempt to steady himself, squeezing his eyes shut and trying to calm his raging thoughts. His chest felt tight; he couldn’t seem to get enough air. _What had he just done?_

Suddenly a blue wave swept through his mind, bringing with it a sense of calm. His chest loosened and he managed several deep breaths. When he finally felt steadier, he opened his eyes.

Keefe was standing at his side, gripping Fitz’s hand tightly, his free hand grasped in Sophie’s ungloved one. They both looked concerned. Fitz shifted, letting go of Keefe and slumping back against the wall. He rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

“I’m okay,” he said, though he doubted they would believe him. _He_ wouldn’t believe it if he was in their shoes. Actually, he wasn’t even sure if he believed _himself_ now.

Keefe leaned one shoulder on the wall beside him and gave him a weak smile. “As okay as you can be, anyway,” he said.

Something in Fitz relaxed at that understanding answer, and he shot Keefe another grateful look. His best friend offered another weak smile, turning his gaze towards the floor for a moment, and then glancing back up at Fitz.

“For what it’s worth,” he continued, “I think you made the right call.”

“Me too,” Sophie added softly, taking his hand. He squeezed hers gratefully.

He stayed there for a few moments, letting the presence of both his best friends calm him. He still had to talk to his parents. There were still more storms to weather tonight. But he didn’t have to face them alone. He wasn’t sure Sophie and Keefe would ever truly know just how grateful he was for that fact.

Finally, he straightened with a sigh. He couldn’t put this off any longer. Alden deserved to know what was going on. He stepped away from the wall and started back towards his father’s study. Sophie and Keefe fell into step on either side. He was grateful for their continued presence, but little could mitigate the sense of foreboding building in his chest about this upcoming conversation. He hoped his dad was strong enough.

“Do you want us to come in, too?” Sophie asked. “Help you break the news? Just in case?”

Fitz mutely shook his head.

“Are you _sure_?” Sophie pressed. “We don’t mind.”

He shook his head again. He appreciated her efforts, but their presence in the room would not make this conversation any easier. Nothing could or would.

Sophie looked ready to argue further, but Keefe cut her off. “We’ll wait right outside. If you need us, just say so.”

Fitz nodded in agreement. Sophie opened her mouth, but Keefe shot her a significant look and she subsided, looking worried and unhappy.

As they reached his father’s office, Keefe put an arm around his girlfriend and pulled her over to stand against the wall. Fitz gave himself one last moment to gather his thoughts before tapping out a brief knock on the door.

There was no answer, but Fitz went in anyway.

His father’s office looked strangely normal, as if to contrast the man in it. Alden was seated at his desk, leaning forward with his head in his hands.  He looked beaten down, and Fitz’s throat tightened with worry.

“Dad?” he asked softly.

Alden started, and it took a moment for his eyes to focus on his son. “Fitz,” he finally said in acknowledgment. 

Fitz crossed the room, moving around the desk to put him arm around his father. As he did so, he could see that Alden had been staring at a picture lying flat between his elbows. It was of their family, all five of them, on the day Alvar had graduated Foxfire. They looked happy, not at all prepared for the hardships to come.

“I keep wondering where it all went wrong,” Alden confessed softly. “ _When_ it all went wrong.”

Fitz ran a hand through his hair. “And I keep wondering why you’re so sure you _did_ something wrong.”

Alden shook his head sadly. “Something made him turn his back on us.”

Fitz let out a puff of air, running his hand through his hair again in frustration. He was going to have a bald spot by the end of this, he thought. “You’ve _got_ to stop blaming yourself. Alvar made his choices, not you.”

“If we had been better parents…” Alden started.

Fitz grabbed him by the shoulder and gave him a small shake. “No!” he said firmly, “You were – are! – great parents.”

Alden looked up at him. “To you, maybe.”

“No,” Fitz said. “To _all_ of us.”

“Alvar said--” Alden started to reply.

“I know what he said!” Fitz cut him off. “But he was full of shit!”

Alden looked startled.

“He liked to claim that you treated me differently because I was a Telepath. Because I was beating records and made it look easy. Because you had the nerve to say you were proud of me.”

Fitz pulled his father’s chair back, turning him so they were facing one another, and grabbed Alden’s shoulders with both hands, leaning in to make his point. “But that’s bullshit and you know it! You _never_ treated me differently; in fact you and Mom _both_ went out of your way to ensure you didn’t!

“All three of us were given the same treatment at home. Out of this house? _Then_ , yeah, he was treated differently. Out there, my accomplishments definitely overshadowed him. But you can’t control what happens out there. You can only control what happens in this house.

“You guys are great parents. We always knew we were loved. We always had your support. You disciplined us when you had to. You always celebrated all of our accomplishments and never – not once! – compared us to each other.

“You treated us like individuals. As far as I’m concerned, I got the best parents in the world.”

Fitz gave his father’s shoulders a small shake. “Alvar made his choices. I don’t understand how he could do what he did any more than you do. But I firmly believe that _there is nothing else you could have done to change what happened._ And that sucks! I know that. I _know_ how much it hurts to realize that Alvar was just like that. But it’s true, and it’s time you accepted it.”

Alden stared at him a moment before he suddenly stood and wrapped Fitz in a fierce hug. Fitz clung to his father as Alden wept. He squeezed his own eyes shut, forced back tears of his own, and held on.

Finally, Alden pulled back, cradling the back of Fitz’s head he stared for a moment at his younger son. “I love you,” he choked out.

“I love you too, Dad,” Fitz replied.

Alden hugged him again, a little more gently this time.

“What happened to Alvar?” he asked quietly after a moment.

“His mind broke,” Fitz answered softly.

Alden stiffened in his arms. “ _What_?” he whispered, sounding stricken.

Fitz pulled away and eased his father back onto the chair. He knelt at his side, gripping Alden’s hand tightly.

“From what we can piece together, he had a small breakthrough and remembered something. It caused him to feel some… _regret_ for the distance between him and us.”

Alden stared at him for several moments.

“Can he be healed?” he asked desperately.

Fitz ached inside for his father. “Sophie didn’t think she could do it,” he replied softly, “and Elwin and Livvy think he’s lost the will to go on. He’s fine – physically – but he’s slipping away.”

Alden covered his eyes with his free hand. “He’s dying?” he choked out, voice cracking in pain.

Fitz closed his eyes, tightening his grip on his father’s hand.

“Yes,” he whispered.

It was a long time before Alden spoke again.

“How long…?”

It took a moment for Fitz to find his voice. “They aren’t sure exactly, but…not long.”

Alden gave a short nod, tears streaming down his face. Fitz sat at his side and held on, trying to silently remind his father that he wasn’t alone. They remained like that, a tableau of grief, for a long while. Finally, Alden wiped his face and stood.

“Does your mother know?” he asked.

“As far as I know, she’s still asleep,” Fitz replied, also standing. “Biana’s with her.”

“We should be, too,” Alden decided. Fitz nodded in agreement and they headed to the door. As they exited the room, Sophie and Keefe straightened from where they had been leaning on the far wall. Alden managed a weak smile at the sight of them and crossed the hall to give them a big hug.

When they finished, Fitz quietly led the way to his parent’s bedroom. Della lay asleep on the bed and Biana sat beside her, holding her hand.

“Dad!” she exclaimed softly as they entered, and rushed to give her father a hug.

Keefe slid past them and approached Fitz. “Sophie and I are going to head back to Alvar’s room to keep an eye on things,” he said in an undertone. “Call us if you need us, yeah?”

Fitz nodded in confirmation and gave Keefe’s shoulder a grateful squeeze. Sophie shot him one last worried look as she followed her boyfriend out. Fitz settled on the end of the bed as Alden and Biana broke apart.

They waited silently there until Della woke up. She took one look at the three of them sitting there and quietly asked, “It’s not good news, is it?”

Alden opened his mouth to answer, but couldn’t seem to find the words. So Fitz stood and moved to sit beside his mother. He put an arm around her, hugging her close to his side. Then he took a deep breath and explained to her what was happening.

Della sat quietly through his explanation, giving only one soft cry of dismay when Fitz explained Alvar’s fate. She seemed to collapse into herself when Fitz was finished.

“Mom?” he asked, giving her a worried shake.

“My baby,” Della whispered. “How can my baby be dying?”

Fitz felt like there was a vice around his heart, and he sat there a moment, completely stricken by the pain in his mother’s voice. He had never felt so inadequate in his life. He had no idea how to comfort her.

Biana crawled in next to them to cuddle up beside their mother. Della wrapped her arms around her and Fitz and began to cry. Alden stood up and joined them, huddling all of them together in a hug. And the four of them sat there, clinging to each other, and grieved.

When the tears had run out, Fitz pressed a kiss to the top of his mother’s head.

 “Mom,” he said softly, “I know this is hard right now, and you’re hurting, but I need you to remember something for me.”

Della stirred against his shoulder and Fitz continued. “You’ve still got a lot to live for.  You’ve got two – no, three! – other children who need you. So you take the time you need. But remember we’re always here for you.”

Alden sat up. “Fitz is right,” he said. “We’ll make it through this, all of us, together.”

Della stared tiredly at the both of them a moment, curling her arm tighter around her only daughter. Her free hand came up to cradle her belly slightly. “Together. All of us.”

The four of them remained there, a tangle of limbs, until Fitz felt a soft mental prod.

 _“Fitz?”_ Sophie transmitted softly. _“Elwin says he thinks it’s nearly time.”_

 _“We’ll be right there,”_ he replied, before untangling himself from his family and standing up.

“It’s time to go say goodbye,” he said gently to them.  He helped everyone stand and turned to begin walking out the door. Della made a soft noise of distress. Fitz turned to her; she seemed unable to make her feet move. He moved to her side and wrapped an arm gently around her shoulders, began guiding her out of the room. He turned his head to watch Biana take her father’s hand and lead him after them.

It took no time at all for them to reach Alvar’s room. The others had gathered in the sitting room. The air was thick and uncomfortable. Alden stepped away from Biana and moved up to Della’s other side. He gently removed her from Fitz’s grasp and they entered Alvar’s bedroom together.

Fitz and Biana remained in the sitting room to give their parents the privacy to say goodbye in peace. Biana moved to sit beside Sophie on the couch and Sophie gave her a hug to comfort her. Fitz glanced at the door to the bedroom before looking away again.

He ran both his hands through his hair. He was filled with a nervous sort of energy. What exactly were you supposed to do when your brother was dying in the next room? He ended up mostly pacing, with frequent stops to shoot anxious looks at the bedroom’s closed door. By the time his father reappeared to call Biana and him in, he had run his hands through his hair so much it was wildly sticking up, rather like Elwin’s.

They joined their parents in the bedroom. Alvar’s breathing was slow and weak, and he lay pale and still on the bed. Della sat beside him, holding his hand, silently weeping. Alden crossed the room to stand behind her, gently gripping her shoulders in support. Biana choose to move to Alvar’s other side, taking his free hand.

Fitz found himself standing at the foot of the bed, grasping the baseboard in a white-knuckled grip. He wasn’t really sure how he felt in those moments, watching Alvar breathe. He was sad, and relieved, and angry, and anxious and _so much more._ And Alvar just kept slowly breathing in and out.

And in and out.

In and out.

Until, suddenly, with no warning or fanfare, he just _stopped_.

And Fitz went numb.

Della made a soft noise of protest. Fitz managed to get his wits about him to silently call for Elwin and the healer appeared so quickly Fitz thought he must have been waiting just outside the door. Elwin performed a quick check and then stood up, mutely shaking his head.

Della collapsed into Alden, weeping, and her husband tightened his arms around her, crying himself. Biana wiped a few tears away, crossing to Fitz’s side. He wrapped her in a hug because he didn’t know what else to do.

Things seemed to move very quickly after that. Bronte and Emery offered to take care of all the details, and his father numbly accepted. Livvy took his parents in hand, leading them back up to their room and providing them each with a mild sedative to help them sleep. Biana also opted for a mild sedative and headed off to her old room.

Fitz had shaken his head when Elwin had offered him one as well. He felt so exhausted he was sure he wouldn’t need one.

He was wrong.

He had been lying in his bed in his old bedroom for a while now, staring at the wall. Sleep eluded him.

After some time, he gave in and sat up. As he did so, the vials Elwin had given him earlier clanked together in his pocket. He pulled them out and stared at them. One a sedative, one to numb the emotions. He could take them. No one would blame him, and either would probably be helpful at this point.

Finally, Fitz sighed and stood up. He dropped the vials on the bedside table, running a hand through his hair one more time as he stared at them a moment. Then he turned and left the room. Taking them felt like it would be cheating, for some reason.

He wandered through the quiet house, ending up on the back deck. The back of the house faced the same lake that could be seen from his father’s office’s window. The first rays of dawn were just beginning to crest the horizon, gilding the edges with golden warmth. He stared at them a moment. It was hard to believe it had only been a few hours since he had been summoned here. It had felt like days.

He sat down on the stairs leading into the backyard, where he and his friends had spent many a day carelessly playing base quest. That felt like forever ago. His head was throbbing with exhaustion, but he still couldn’t face the thought of returning to bed.

Fitz put his head in his hands, elbows on his knees, and rubbed his aching temples. Footsteps approached from behind him. He wondered if he just sat still enough, maybe they would leave him alone. He didn’t feel like company.

But two people dropped down to sit on either side of him. Keefe settled on his left, slinging an arm around his shoulders, and Sophie on his right, resting her left hand on his back and taking his hand with her other.

“Want to talk about it?” Keefe asked softly.

Fitz let out a slow breath. “Not right now.”

“That’s okay,” Sophie responded softly, comfortingly rubbing his back. “We’re here when you’re ready.”

They sat there, Fitz comfortably wedged in between the other two, as the sun began to rise.  No more words were said, but the silence still spoke volumes, if you knew how to listen.

Maybe company wasn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So super long, and a bit dark.
> 
> Felt like I had to do something with Alvar. I'm fairly certain that this is not the direction Shannon Messenger is going, so I think I probably need to start calling this an AU now.
> 
> This was also beta'd.
> 
> Pellam is a (very minor) character in Guild Wars 2.
> 
> Next Chapter: Vacker-to-be makes an appearance.


End file.
